How To Stop Missing Someone You Know Is No Good For You

If only you could turn off your feelings for someone who doesn’t give a damn about you, life would be so much simpler (and much less painful). Even though you can’t just pretend you don’t love someone doesn’t mean you have to wallow in self-pity or spend so much time thinking and feeling about him when he’s out doing his own thing. Enough of that! Here’s how to stop missing someone you know deep down you’re better off without.

  1. Replace positives with negatives. Usually in life, it’s good to focus on the upsides of a given situation and replace negative thoughts with them. However, that’s not the case when it comes to getting over someone who’s clearly bad news. In this case, you should replace any rose-tinted memories you have of them with negative ones. So, for example, if you find yourself thinking about how sweet and flirtatious he was, remind yourself that he could be a real jerk sometimes. This will cement the idea in your head in the end that he’s not perfect and not good for you.
  2. Think about what you need. Be honest with yourself. Think about what traits you’re looking for in a forever person and then ask yourself if what this guy had to offer you was on the same level. If he was bad for you, it clearly wasn’t! Keep this list handy so that you can refer to it from time to time.
  3. Nip jealousy in the bud. It’s easy to start feeling bad and missing the guy when you see on Facebook or Instagram that he’s got someone new. They look so happy and like they’re in the perfect relationship. Reality check! This guy’s probably going to be a jackass to her in the way that he was to you, so don’t be fooled by what you see on social media because often it’s totally fake.
  4. Distract yourself in a good way. When the guy pops into your head, don’t distract yourself with booze or some stupid romantic music that makes you feel worse. Find uplifting distractions that are worthy of your time and remind you to power forward onto better things, such as choosing to chase a new goal in life.
  5. Think back to other bad times. Sometimes when you’re feeling low, a good tip is to remember what other bad situations you lived through in your life, whether those were personal issues or bad relationships. You survived them so you’ll get over this guy too. It just might take some time to replace him with other things, that’s all.
  6. Phone a friend. If you used to open up to and confide in your best friend whenever this guy pissed you off, she’ll surely remember all the ways in which he was toxic. She’s the person to call and speak to about how you’re missing him because she’ll set you straight and help you to remember that you deserve much better.
  7. Think about how much time you wasted. Life is so short, so why waste it on someone who isn’t stepping up for you? That’s a guaranteed way to throw your time and life away. Calculate how much time you spent dating and getting to know that guy. Keep that number somewhere you can see it often, like on your fridge, as it’s sure to make you realize you’re just wasting even more time on him.
  8. Reclaim your spark. Seriously, refreshing your life with a new hobby, haircut, or friend can be just what to need to reclaim your spark and feel excited about the future again. The bonus is you’ll also distract yourself from missing him. When you can do something new that you weren’t doing when he was in your life, it’s a powerful way to feel rejuvenated, as though you’re literally walking away from him into something exciting.
  9. Let the feelings come… but keep them in check. You should allow all the feelings that are hitting you in the face to come instead of trying to force them away. Sometimes that will just make them try harder to get your attention. But, don’t let them come for an unlimited time otherwise you’re going to spend way too much time being elbow-deep in your tears. Tell yourself you’ll allow yourself to feel angry/anxious/sad about that guy for one hour, then you’ll do something else.  In this way, you’ll be able to work through your emotions without them getting the best of you.
  10. Ask yourself: is he missing you? You might be missing the guy so much, but ask yourself if he’s missing you. If he seems to be having a fun time on social media or you know for a fact he was such a jerk that he can’t feel for anyone other than himself, then that should hopefully zap you back into the realization that your feelings and energy can go to something much better than him.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.