Being able to carry a conversation and navigate social situations are great skills to have, but there’s a difference between having a pleasant chat and flapping your gums incessantly. If you find it hard to zip your lips, whether because you’re nervous or your mind works so quickly that you can’t quite help but spew out every thought that comes into it, here’s how to stop talking so much.
1. Count to 10 before speaking.
When someone’s speaking, it’s tempting to want to interject quickly, especially if you feel like you have something exciting or important to add. However, this can make you come across as rude, so count to 10 after someone’s finished talking before you answer them or share a story. This ensures they get the time and space to say their piece.
2. Ask questions instead of speaking about yourself.
To prevent yourself from talking too much, try to ask the other person questions about themselves. This will stop you from rambling while giving them the spotlight and showing them that you care about what they have to say. You’ll have to be quiet while they’re talking in order to hear their answer, so this is an especially effective tip.
3. Really listen to what they’re saying.
Instead of thinking of what you’re going to say when the person has finished speaking, which can make you an inconsiderate listener, start paying attention to what’s being said. Learn from the person and show them you’re listening, by making eye contact and nodding when you agree with a point they’re making or to show that you understand.
4. Get comfortable with silences.
If there are any silences in a conversation, you might get anxious and feel like you need to fill the blank space ASAP. Avoid this temptation. Use the silence to prepare what you’re going to say and really think about your words before blurting them out. If you’re with a friend or family member, recognize that quiet time can be comfortable rather than awkward.
5. Ask yourself questions before you speak.
Whenever you want to speak to people, think about whether or not you really need to share what’s on your mind at that exact moment. Question whether what you have to say will add anything to the conversation or whether it’s productive or helpful. If it’s not, you might reconsider saying it at all, especially if you’ve been chattering for a while already.
6. Notice people’s reactions to your excessive talking.
Pay attention to how people react when you speak. You can tell you’ve been talking too much if people look bored or they start fidgeting. Take these as cues that you need to zip your lips for a bit and let others take the stage. This doesn’t mean you can never input, it just means you need to remember that a conversation involves many people. It’s not a solo performance.
7. Let people ask you questions.
Make it a rule that you’ll only talk about yourself when someone asks you a direct question. This will prevent you from dominating conversations and it will make you feel more comfortable about sharing when the time comes since you’ll know the people you’re talking to are genuinely interested in the answers.
8. Stick to specific, clear information.
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Sometimes you might talk too much because you have a tendency to go off on tangents about topics that are related (or not!) to the conversation you’re having. People might find this annoying, so try to focus on specific, clear stories and information to make what you’re saying more engaging. The bonus? You use fewer words.
9. Stop talking if people interrupt you.
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Interrupting someone who’s speaking is never a good thing. However, someone might be interrupting you because they’re desperate to get a chance to speak and they think it’s the only way to do so. Ouch. Notice this and use it as a sign that you should stop talking so much and listen instead.
10. Cut yourself off with humor.
Become more aware of how much you’re talking. If you get a sense that you’re rambling on, cut yourself off with a bit of humor. You could chuckle and say something like, “Wow, I need to catch my breath from talking so much! Anyway, let’s change the subject.”
11. Avoid using filler words.
Filler words, such as “um” or “like” can drag out your story while also giving people the impression that you lack confidence. Record yourself speaking so you can become more aware of any filler words you’re using and cut them out. That’s not to say you need to be super formal or uptight in your speech, but a bit more succinctness can come in handy.
12. Set a timer on your phone.
If you’re going to chat with someone and you don’t want to talk their ear off, it can be helpful to set a timer on your phone so that it vibrates when it’s time for you to end the conversation (or hand the mic to someone else). This can be useful at a party where you want to work the room. It seems extreme, sure, but sometimes needs must.
13. Stay focused so you don’t ramble.
Rambling on and on doesn’t do you any favors and it makes a bad first impression when meeting people. You can prevent it by staying focused in the moment and the conversation. If you allow your mind to wander, this could cause you to start waffling on, so stay present!
14. Deal with conversation anxiety.
If you talk too much because social anxiety is getting to you, nip it in the bud before your next interaction. You could try to meditate to calm your mind before attending a social gathering so you’ll have inner peace and feel more centered, or go for a jog to work off that excess adrenaline.
15. Pay attention to your body.
When you start talking too much, you might feel like you’re losing track of the conversation or you’re annoying people. Chances are you, you’ll sense this in some way. Maybe your heart rate will increase or you’ll blush. Take these as cues that you need to stop talking. Now’s a good time to say, “I’m talking too much – what’s your opinion on the subject?”
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