I’m not delusional enough to think that my husband will never find other women attractive—it’s just very likely that I’ll be taking a peep as well. We’re attracted to the same type of women and instead of it being something to argue about, we actually bond over it.
He’s never disrespectful or gross about finding other women hot. I’m pretty sure the first time I heard my husband make a comment about another woman he found attractive, it was very subtle and kind of sweet. He didn’t turn her body into a piece of meat or over-sexualize her. He also didn’t say it in a way that made me think he was unhappy with our relationship and wanted to be with someone else.
He doesn’t compare me to other women and neither do I. When my husband and I talk about women we find attractive, it’s always an uplifting thing. He doesn’t compare her to me and I don’t feel the need to do so either. It’s like art—we know each of us is as uniquely crafted as the next. You wouldn’t compare Beethoven’s sheet music to Monet’s paintings, would you?
Jealousy just doesn’t enter the equation. I’ve never been the jealous type and neither is my husband. Since we find the same women attractive, there surprisingly isn’t any room for jealousy because we can see where the other person is coming from and accept it for what it is: appreciation of someone who’s aesthetically pleasing. Finding someone attractive is a compliment, not a crime in our relationship.
I feel comfortable being open about my sexuality with him. When I talk about women with my husband, I don’t feel labeled by a sexual preference or title. We’re just talking; I don’t ever have to explain myself or risk being placed in a category I don’t fully identify with. I’m not making some big political statement about my sexuality, I’m just appreciating someone who’s attractive.
We never stare at women or make them feel uncomfortable. Ladies, you know how overwhelmingly awkward it can be when you can tell someone’s stare is basically peeling your clothes off. My husband and I are never super sleazy like that. We have a natural consensus that thinking someone is hot should never make them feel victimized or disrespected and I love that about us.
It feels good to know we can talk about anything. Marriage has the ability to cage you or give you wings depending on how you approach it. Our open chats about women we’re attracted to have allowed us to be more vocal in our marriage about any subject. No matter how personal or embarrassing it may be, we’ll talk about it.
We appreciate more than the physical traits of women. It’s easy to acknowledge a woman’s breast or curves, but that’s also pretty shallow. My husband and I tend to dig deeper. We admire things like her sense of humor, passion, or intelligence. Woman or not, we’re admiring what really makes a human being beautiful, and I wish that was more common in our society.
Our pillow talk is insane. Maybe I’m biased, but our pillow talk needs to broadcast on a late-night radio show for all of the world to hear. Pillow talk is important and because we’re so open about everything that’s on our minds before bed, it gets pretty entertaining. Sharing our fantasies about women we’re into really spices things up and enriches our lives on multiple levels.
We don’t feel pressured to mirror other marriages. When I first got married, I thought there were so many rules, one of the biggest ones being never admitting that we found other people attractive. By talking to my husband openly about women, I learned that our marriage is never going to be like anyone else’s and that should never be the goal. We’re building our own definition of the word and there’s nothing wrong with that.
We both feel totally free together and that’s how it should be. In my opinion, people feel trapped by their relationships because they immediately put these restrictions on themselves and their partners. Our freedom to look doesn’t make us unfaithful. We’re human, and saying “I do” didn’t strip us of that. Our place in each other’s lives is permanent—we vowed to that—but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other evolving parts.
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