Rejection sucks, especially when it happens out of nowhere and you don’t know why. Yes, we’re talking about ghosting. Getting ghosted makes you feel worthless. But the truth is, it’s not your fault — it’s the ghost. I got ghosted by a guy and it hurts like hell, but this is how I coped.
I Stopped Making Excuses. My first instinct was to make excuses on the person’s behalf. “He probably lost his phone,” I told myself. It took about a week before I came to my senses. And if I’m being honest, it was only after I saw he posted on Instagram that I realized I got ghosted. After that, I forced myself to face reality. I dropped all the excuses and accepted the facts. “He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.” Sure, it hurt. But it felt better than lying to myself.
I Felt All The Feelings. So many of us are afraid of our own feelings. I get it. Feelings are scary. They can be overwhelming and sometimes crippling. It makes sense that you want to avoid them, but that’s not how life works. Even if you don’t address your feelings, they’ll creep up. They might show themselves in a late-night text or in how you speak to yourself. That’s why it’s important to feel your feelings. After I got ghosted, I let myself freak out. I screamed, cried, complained, and ate an excessive amount of ice cream. And you know what? I felt better.
I Deleted Him From Everything. I can’t be friends with someone who ghosted me. Period. So, I had no problem deleting this guy from everything. I removed him from social media, deleted his number, and avoided places I knew he frequented. I needed to heal, and I couldn’t do that while constantly being reminded of him. My friends called me dramatic, but I didn’t care. I knew I had to create space so I could move on.
I Focused On Myself. My confidence took a deep dive after getting ghosted. Even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, I took it personally. I felt ugly and dumb. The only thing I could do to feel better was focus on self-care. For me, that meant going to sleep by 9 p.m., spending time with my parents, re-decorating my apartment, and drinking a matcha latte every morning. The more I did for myself, the better I felt about life in general. I’m not saying I became a new person, but I learned how to be my own best friend.
I Spent Time With Friends. When I’m upset, I tend to isolate myself. I cancel plans and stop answering my phone. And while I like being alone, too much alone time can negatively impact my mental health. A couple of weeks after I got ghosted, I realized I was isolating myself and decided to be social at least three times a week. I set up dinners with friends and signed up for in-person yoga classes. I made sure I surrounded myself with friendly faces throughout the week. And you know what? It worked. The more time I spent with happy people, the happier I felt.
How I coped when I got ghosted by a guy
I Talked To A Professional. Thankfully, I was already seeing a therapist prior to getting ghosted. She understood the rejection I felt and how it impacted the way I viewed myself. But she didn’t let me wallow. While my therapist was empathetic, she didn’t want me to spend all day crying. So, she gave me homework. She suggested I start journaling and write about the relationship. My therapist wanted me to use this as a learning experience.
I Moved On. Getting ghosted didn’t make me want to give up on love. My ego was bruised, but I still had hope the right guy was out there. So, I went back on Hinge (aka the only dating app I trust) and started swiping. I changed my tactics though. Instead of focusing on the pictures, I paid more attention to the prompts they chose and their responses. I tried to stop making decisions based on what I thought “my type” was and went with my gut. I’m still not married, but I’m dating — and that’s progress.
I Didn’t Solely Rely On Apps. I wasn’t just swiping on Hinge, I was also trying to meet people in person. Which, unfortunately, wasn’t easy. But it forced me to get out of my comfort zone. I started making conversation with strangers while waiting for the train. I said “yes” when my co-worker invited me to game night and even started going places alone. I went to dinner, saw a play, and read a book by myself on a park bench. I’m not going to lie and say it was all comfortable, but it worked. Interestingly enough, guys approached me more when I was alone than when I was in a group.
I Focused On The Facts. According to experts, people ghost to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Instead of being honest, they think it’s easier to disappear. Regardless if you agree or disagree, one thing is certain — you aren’t to blame for them ghosting. When someone ghosts, it says more about them than you. It doesn’t mean you’re unattractive or unlovable. It means they weren’t mature enough to put your feelings above their own.
I Made A Promise. Getting ghosted was one of the worst experiences of my life. I wasn’t in love with him, but the fact that he could go from talking to me every day to never speaking to me again, had me shook. But it showed me just how damaging ghosting another person can be. And because of that, I made a promise to myself that I would never ghost someone. Instead of taking the cowardly route, I’ll initiate that uncomfortable conversation. It’s better than making someone feel insecure.
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