It’s not something I ever expected would do it for me, but when my boyfriend and I had a foursome, I watched him have sex with another woman and it created some unexpected shifts in me. Here’s why it was such a game changer.
- I learned that jealousy is optional. The most unexpected part of this whole thing was that I felt zero jealousy. Despite suffering from crippling jealousy whenever I’d imagined my boyfriend with someone else, when it actually happened right in front of me, all I felt was curious excitement. It showed me that jealousy is a product of my perspective and it was entirely my choice whether I indulged it or not.
- I discovered some new fantasies. From that experience, I actually discovered a fantasy for cuckqueening—watching my partner have sex with someone else in front of me, usually with some aspect of humiliation involved. While I’ve never explored it in real life, it’s a fun fantasy to play with and one I might never have known about without this experience.
- It was a bonding experience with my boyfriend. I love to share intense and profound experiences with the people I care about because it always seems to bring us closer. This experience definitely ticked those boxes and it served to strengthen our relationship. We’d shared something new and exciting together and because it was somewhat taboo, we were co-conspirators as well as lovers.
- I found a new level of trust. There’s a lot of trust involved in risk-taking, especially in matters of love. My partner and I put so much trust in each other by sharing such a risk, as did the other couple in the foursome. Until that point, I’d never been so sexually vulnerable and it felt good to know I was in safe hands.
- It improved my relationship with women. For most of my life, I’d seen women as either intimidating or as competition. In this situation, I was wary of the other woman until I understood how much she cared about me. It actually improved my view of women immeasurably to have been so vulnerable and so safe at the same time. I knew she respected me, my boyfriend, and our relationship.
- I realized that monogamy isn’t for everyone. This was my first foray into non-monogamy and it opened my eyes to the possibility of alternatives. It was an experience, to see my partner sleeping with someone else after having been with only me for so long. I was suddenly aware that there were other options and this experience eventually led us to open our relationship.
- I improved my communication skills. Of course there were some insecurities that were awakened in both of us and we needed some hardcore communication skills to deal with them maturely and rationally. I learned how important it was for us to be completely honest with each other and to treat everything with love, care, and compassion. Now, we talk about all of our thoughts and feelings whether they’re good or bad and it’s worked wonders for our relationship.
- It dispelled a lot of fears. Having been haunted for so long by fears of inadequacy, of my boyfriend leaving me, and of being cheated on, I suddenly had this potentially disastrous thing happening right in front of my eyes. Much to my surprise, my boyfriend didn’t immediately run off with this woman and I realized that my fears were irrational. During the whole experience and throughout our conversations afterward, I was reassured that I had nothing to fear.
- I realized sex isn’t such a big deal. Having sex is just about as big a deal as you make it. My boyfriend sleeping with another woman could have been the worst thing to ever happen to me or it could have been a fun and exciting experiment and opportunity to experience something new. Guess which one I chose?
Before your partner has sex with another woman, consider this
You might think that cuckqueening is exciting and will serve to spice up your life in ways you never imagined. And while that can be true, there are some things you’ll need to keep in mind if you’re going to give this a shot.
- You can’t take it back. If you decide to allow your partner to have sex with another woman while you watch (or even while you don’t), there’s no going back from that. Once it happens, it will change your relationship in many ways. Some of those ways will be good — in fact, if it’s the right decision for you as a couple, all of those ways will be good. However, if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, you’re heading down a path of destruction.
- If you’re a jealous person, don’t go there. You might think that you’re totally chill and laid-back and that you can handle your partner getting intimate with someone else, but is that true? If you’re a jealous person deep down or struggle in any way with the idea of “sharing” your partner with someone else, this is not a good decision for you. It will bring up levels of jealousy you never knew existed in you. It’s important that you be completely relaxed about this if you’re going to go for it.
- You can’t get mad at him for enjoying himself. If you’re going to allow him to have sex with another woman, you can’t kick off or have an attitude when he enjoys the experience. If this is the right thing for you, you’ll be enjoying it as well. You can’t then start grilling him about whether she’s better in bed than you or accusing him of liking it a little too much. It’s meant to be pleasurable. Otherwise, what’s the point?
- He may not be comfortable with cuckolding. Just because you’re willing to give cuckqueening a shot and think it might be pretty hot doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll feel the same about the situation in reverse. He may be completely uncool with the idea of you having sex with another man and you have to respect that.
- Doing this to make him happy will make you miserable. If you’re acting like you’re into the idea of watching him have sex with another woman because it’s his fantasy and you think it would make him happy, stop right now. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. You will end up feeling totally destroyed in the aftermath of this and while he might be happy you definitely won’t be.
- There are other ways to be more adventurous in the bedroom. Cuckqueening is a pretty adventurous thing to do sexually, but if you’re exploring the idea of doing this simply because you’re worried that you’re not spontaneous enough or that you’re a little too vanilla, you really shouldn’t. There are so many different ways to get creative and exciting in bed, and letting him sleep with someone else doesn’t need to feature on that list.
- This won’t save a broken relationship. If this is a last-ditch effort to save your dying relationship, this isn’t going to help. In fact, it’s probably going to finish you off for good. Instead of adding the extra heartbreak of knowing that you basically gave him the green light to cheat on you in front of your face, just end things now.