I’d Rather Get Pregnant Than Ever Go On Birth Control Again

Getting pregnant at this point in my life would suck, but going back on birth control would suck even more. Taking the pill was basically the worst experience of my life—to the point that I’d literally rather have kids now than start taking that demon drug again.

  1. My first experience wasn’t pretty. I was 18 the first time I went on birth control. I told my mom it was because of painful cramps, but it was really because I wanted to have sex with this guy I went to high school with. I had zero issues when I first went on the pill—no bloating, no nausea. It was chill… until about six months in when I started gaining weight for no reason. I wasn’t pleased.
  2. My weight continued to fluctuate uncontrollably. My weight went up and down pretty much the entire time I was on birth control. It was incredibly frustrating, especially because I was working out pretty much every single day and eating healthy. I couldn’t shake the weight no matter what I did, so I decided to get off the pill.
  3. I was a better, thinner person off birth control. The weight I gained dropped almost immediately after I stopped taking BC. It was amazing but also annoying. The fact that I could automatically get thin from no longer taking a tiny blue pill was flabbergasting. But with my weight loss came paranoia since my mom claimed that losing weight in combination with not taking BC could increase your risk of getting pregnant. Obviously, I freaked and went back on the pill.
  4. When I went back on it, I went truly insane. I tried a different birth control pill this time, which didn’t impact my weight. I did, however, go kind of insane. I hated everyone—every single person. I constantly yelled at people and I was beyond rude to my boyfriend. I plotted his murder at least three times a week. I literally have no idea how we managed to stay together for those years. I couldn’t handle how crazy it made me feel so I went off the pill again.
  5. Life without BC was great for a while. For years, I was blissfully birth control-free. I was truly my happiest self. Sure, I had some stomach problems (but what 20 something-year-old doesn’t suffer from IBS nowadays?) but otherwise, I was fine. My mental health was solid and I felt great… so naturally, I decided to screw it all up by going back on birth control.
  6. The side effects were worse than ever. In my defense, I thought maybe I’d grown out of the negative birth control symptoms I used to experience. Plus, I’d just started dating a new guy and I figured I should be smart since I was having sex and all that jazz. I made my gyno appointment and I rehearsed exactly what I was going to say to her. I wanted her to know exactly who she was working with. I told her every birth control I’d been on and everything that happened to me while I was on them. I told her very clearly that I had stomach issues and didn’t want to take anything risky. She made it seem like she understood, but clearly she did not.
  7. My life was basically ruined in the most dramatic way possible. Two weeks into Yaz birth control (the one my gyno prescribed for a reason that is still beyond me), I was an absolute wreck. I was constipated, nauseous, and my stomach was distended pretty much every day. I looked like I was five months pregnant, and not in a cute way. I was irritable and tired all the time. My hair started to fall out and although I stopped getting pimples, I couldn’t have felt less confident about myself. I waited a month for my symptoms to subside but they didn’t.
  8. My doctor was basically trying to kill me. I called my doctor’s office and was connected with this random help desk woman who informed me that I shouldn’t be on any oral birth control if I have stomach issues because it would ruin me. Well, duh. I don’t know if my gynecologist was trying to murder me or if she’s just not good at her job, but she led me astray and she completely played me. I will never forgive or forget.
  9. Life is finally good again and I’ll never go back. Now I know that birth control, at least the pill, isn’t for me and honestly, I don’t intend on messing with any type of birth control besides condoms for the rest of my existence. I’ll take my chances. And if I slip up and get preggers, that must be what’s meant to happen in my life. I’d so much rather have an accidental pregnancy than take a pill that I 100% believe was designed to make me miserable.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.