Families shape who we are, but sadly, that power can be abused. If you grew up in a controlling family, you are likely still carrying the emotional baggage from your experiences and even struggling to stand on your own two feet. Here are 12 traits your family kept you under constant surveillance and controlled your every move.
1. You’re Terrified of Making Decisions
You might be hesitant when making decisions, as though you’d rather someone else made them for you. This lack of self-confidence could be because you grew up in a controlling family environment. Maybe you didn’t have much freedom, so embracing and celebrating your independence as an adult isn’t easy.
2. You’re your own Worst Enemy
Controlling families usually displays behaviors such as being critical of others. Perhaps your parents always made you feel that you weren’t good enough, or they never embraced your positive traits. Now, as an adult, you might find that you’re critical of yourself, as though you’re finishing off the work they were doing. You’re always putting yourself down instead of encouraging yourself.
3. You Desperately Need Approval
Since your family was so critical of you growing up, they probably didn’t give you a chance to stand up for yourself and nurture self-confidence. Instead, they made you doubt yourself. So, now, you need other people’s approval, as though your opinions about yourself don’t matter as much as what others think.
4. You’re a Closed Book
In a controlling family environment, it was probably difficult to express yourself. You were perhaps shut down when showing your feelings or sharing an opinion that was different from everyone else’s. This can make it difficult for you to express your feelings and opinions in your adult relationships and friendships. You’re afraid of being judged harshly or rejected.
5. You Can’t Accept Anything Less than Perfection
If you had to jump through hoops to meet your family’s high expectations as a kid, you might still feel like that kid running ragged to please and impress others. So, you could have a strong need for perfectionism. But mistakes are a healthy part of life and can teach you so much about yourself! It’s sad that you felt you couldn’t make them as a kid.
6. You Overgive to the Point of Exhaustion
In your family, you didn’t feel like you had boundaries. Perhaps your dad’s problems became your problem, or your mother’s bad moods rubbed off on you. Because of this, you might struggle to set personal boundaries to protect yourself, but these are important for you to ensure you care for yourself and don’t put yourself in situations that are unfair, such as those that cause you to take on other people’s drama.
7. You Have Serious Trust Issues
It’s difficult to trust others if you regularly had your trust broken as a child. You were controlled by your family, who tried to tell you what to do and made you feel you weren’t good enough. It’s easy to expect that other people will treat you the same way, which can make trusting people challenging.
8. You’re A Human Doormat
Maybe you felt like you always had to go the extra mile to please your parents. But now, becoming a human doormat to partners or friends will get you taken advantage of and make you feel like your needs don’t matter. Remember, healthy relationships are built on respect, and your voice is important!
9. You’re Racked with Guilt When Saying “No”
Since you didn’t have much chance to be yourself growing up, you might feel guilty for trying to exert your independence. For example, you’ll feel so guilty if you say “no” to a friend who needs help because you must prioritize your self-care. But, if you say “yes” to everything and everyone, you’re going to neglect your needs.
10. You Shut Down During Confrontation
If you grew up in a controlling environment, you might have been disciplined harshly and shouted at. The environment could have felt claustrophobic and conflict-ridden, and it might still cause you anxiety as an adult. For example, if there was a lot of arguing in your family, you might avoid confrontation in your relationships. And yet, sometimes, you have to speak up and risk confrontation to get your needs met.
11. You Don’t Feel Like You’re in the Drivers Seat
It’s difficult to feel like you’re behind the steering wheel of your life if your parents always made you feel like you couldn’t decide. But it’s time to start taking your power back. Make your own decisions and follow the things that make you feel good. Take chances and rely on yourself to make yourself happy.
