Families shape who we are because they’re the first relationships we have with other people — they’re so powerful! But, sadly, they don’t always encourage us to be proud of ourselves and become resilient go-getters. If you grew up in a controlling family, you might still be carrying some emotional baggage from your experiences, such as if you struggle to stand on your own feet. Here are 11 traits you might notice in yourself if you grew up in a controlling family.
1. You’re Scared of Making Decisions.
You might be hesitant when you have to make decisions, as though you’d rather someone else made them for you. This lack of self-confidence could be because you grew up in a controlling family environment. Maybe you didn’t have much freedom, so it’s difficult to embrace and celebrate your independence as an adult.
2. You’re Highly Self-Critical.
Controlling families usually display behaviors such as being critical of others. Perhaps your parents always made you feel that you weren’t good enough or they never embraced your positive traits. Now, as an adult, you might find that you’re critical of yourself, as though you’re finishing off the work they were doing. You’re always putting yourself down instead of encouraging yourself.
3. You Crave Others’ Approval.
Since your family was so critical of you when you were growing up, they probably didn’t give you a chance to stand up for yourself and nurture self-confidence. Instead, they made you doubt yourself. So, now, you find yourself needing other people’s approval, as though your opinions about yourself don’t matter as much as what others think.
4. You Struggle To Express Your Feelings.
In a controlling family environment, it was probably difficult to express yourself. You were probably shut down when showing your feelings or sharing an opinion that was different from everyone else’s. This can make it difficult for you to express your feelings and opinions in your adult relationships and friendships. You’re afraid of being judged harshly or rejected.
5. You Strive For Perfection.
If you had to jump through hoops as a kid to meet your family’s high expectations, you might still be feeling like that kid running herself ragged to please and impress others. So, you could have a strong need for perfectionism. But, mistakes are a healthy part of life and they can teach you so much about yourself! It’s sad that you felt you couldn’t make them as a kid.
6. You Give Too Much Of Yourself.
In your family, you didn’t feel like you had boundaries. Perhaps your dad’s problems became your problem, or your mother’s bad moods rubbed off on you. Because of this, you might struggle to set personal boundaries to protect yourself, but these are important for you to ensure you care for yourself and don’t put yourself in situations that are unfair, such as those that cause you to take on other people’s drama.
7. You Don’t Trust Others Easily.
It’s difficult to trust others if you regularly had your trust broken as a child. You were controlled by your family, who tried to tell you what to do and made you feel you weren’t good enough. It’s easy to expect that other people in your life will treat you in the same way, which can make trusting people challenging.
8. You’re A Human Doormat.
Maybe you felt like you always had to go the extra mile to please your parents. But now, becoming a human doormat to partners or friends will get you taken advantage of and make you feel like your needs don’t matter. Remember, healthy relationships are built on respect, and your voice is important!
9. You Feel Guilty For Saying “No.”
Since you didn’t have much of a chance to be yourself when you were growing up, you might feel guilty for trying to exert your independence. For example, you’ll feel so much guilt if you say “no” to a friend who needs help because you have to prioritize your self-care. But, if you say “yes” to everything and everyone, you’re going to neglect your needs.
10. You Hate Confrontation.
If you grew up in a controlling environment, you might have been disciplined harshly and shouted at. The environment could have felt claustrophobic and conflict-ridden, and it might still cause you anxiety as an adult. For example, if there was a lot of arguing in your family, you might avoid confrontation in your personal relationships. And yet, sometimes you have to speak up and risk confrontation in order to get your needs met.
11. You Don’t Feel Like You’re In Control.
It’s difficult to feel like you’re behind the steering wheel of your life if your parents always made you feel like you couldn’t make up your own mind. But, it’s time to start taking your power back! Make your own decisions and follow the things that make you feel good. Take chances and rely on yourself to make yourself happy. You deserve it!
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