Being accepting of love isn’t easy. You might feel all the scars that cover your heart are unfixable, but don’t lose hope. Whenever you start to feel unworthy of love and uncertain about how to change that perspective, here are a few reminders to carry with you in your heart and mind throughout your days. Hopefully, they can be of some use.
- Embrace your feelings. Feeling broken and unworthy are two feelings most of us would rather stray away from. It’s just something we accept without really analyzing why. To try and figure out what causes us to feel that way means reliving painful experiences and being reminded of events we’d rather forget, but you can’t have change without realization. That said, sit down with yourself and look inward. Ask yourself the hard questions. Write down the answers. Then, create a plan to finally heal.
- Conduct inner child work. Receiving and giving love, while understanding what it is, starts from a young age. If you’ve been through traumatic events that make you see love differently, you’ll exhibit self-sabotaging behavior. That includes pushing people away, being afraid to be vulnerable, even clinging heavily to someone for fear they’ll abandon you. Sometimes this kind of work is best done with an outside source, like a therapist. If you don’t want to go down that route, imagine talking to your childhood self to figure out why your behavior is the way it is when it comes to love.
- You don’t have to constantly prove yourself. Doing kind things for the ones you love isn’t a problem. It’s when you feel compelled to do things to earn their love that is. Constantly trying to prove your love and loyalty only creates a negative outlook for your relationships. When doing something is when you think they’ll love you the most, know that just isn’t true. If someone truly loves you, they’ll appreciate just having your company.
- The people around you matter. And it might not be in the way you think. If you surround yourself with negative people, their behavior will rub off on you. Instead of loving you just as you are, they’ll make you think you have to be a different way when you’re around them. How they influence you will ultimately influence your intimate relationships. You need to decide whether they’re helping your self-esteem or making it worse. Boundaries exist for a reason — implement them.
- Remember that you’re human. You can’t let the mistakes of the past haunt you. Behind every mishap is a lesson to be learned. Just know you’re not alone. Everyone living on this planet has messed up in one way or another. What’s important is that you acknowledge it, own up to it, and take responsibility. If it happened years ago, you can still fix things. If not with the person affected, then with yourself. Forgive and let go of the shame.
- Don’t think relationships have to be complicated. Feeling broken and unworthy changes your perception of love entirely. You may think love has to be a rollercoaster ride in order to be worth something great. It doesn’t. Love can feel easy. Love can feel like home. When you open your heart, great people will find you. It won’t have to be a struggle to let someone in and vice versa. Those who are worth your time won’t put up a front. And you won’t feel the need to do the same. You’ll be welcomed just as you are.
- Be gentle with yourself. When you meet someone, don’t feel the need to go all-in right away. Take your time. Test the waters. Love should be a slow-burn kind of process, not an out-of-control blaze. Jumping in headfirst without thinking will only leave you feeling worse. Take inventory of how this person makes you feel. If it’s anything but loved and appreciated, they’re not for you. You deserve true, authentic love, not someone playing pretend for their own benefit.
- Learn to love yourself. Others can’t love you if you don’t know how you want to be loved. Everyone has their love language preference, get to know yours. Find out what you like to do for others and what you want others to do for you. Maybe you value quality time and love to give people gifts. Or maybe words of affirmation are more your thing. When you take the time to understand the kind of relationship you want–and the kind of person you are while in one–helps you connect to others and yourself better.
- Keep growing. Feeling broken and unworthy of love doesn’t have to stay with you forever. The need to heal and grow should. You can’t become a better version of yourself if you don’t try. Keep your head up, your heart open, and your dreams big. You are worthy. You deserve love. Don’t let the world make you think you’re incapable of anything because it simply isn’t true.
