I was always envious of those girls who could play it cool so effortlessly around guys. Their ability to remain calm, collected, and somewhat aloof around them, even the ones they liked, always baffled me. I’ve tried and tried again to be like them but after years of failed attempts, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that when it comes to crushes, I have ZERO CHILL. Here’s why I’ve decided to embrace it.
There’s something exciting about those initial butterflies.
Sure, it can be embarrassing sometimes when we get nervous around the people we like. We forget how to speak in cohesive sentences, we stutter and giggle uncontrollably, we sometimes make complete fools of ourselves. However awkward, I still think it’s fun to have those jitters that inevitably come when you like someone. It’s scary and exciting and keeps things interesting!
When I like someone, I want them to know.
I know being (or at least seeming) hard to get is mysterious and sexy. I think it’s good to have a little mystery, but I worry sometimes that acting too aloof might drive someone I like away. It’s totally effective when you’re in your teens and the chase is entertainment but I think as we navigate adulthood, there are fewer people who are up for the thrill of the games. We have so much ‘adulting’ to worry about with careers, bills, etc. No one has the time or energy to constantly chase someone who refuses to be caught. There’s a difference between being clingy and letting someone know they have a chance with you.
Games are overrated.
Like I said before, we’re adults now. We don’t have to constantly keep up the charade of running away every time someone we like shows interest in us. It’s exhausting, not to mention, fruitless in this stage of our lives. There are so many young professionals out there who desperately want to find their person and share life with them. If you constantly push someone away just because you think it makes you more desirable, there’s a chance they may eventually move on to someone who actually gives them the time of day. Is that a risk worth taking?
I’m just impatient.
Patience is a virtue that I’m forever working on improving but the truth is that I’m just not when it comes to things I’m really excited about. Playing hard to get requires so much patience when it comes to resisting the urge to call or text your crush, talk to your friends about them, or even fantasize about the possibilities of your relationship with them in your head. All of these things could cause you to come off as less than aloof which is not good for the chase factor but so hard to avoid when you like someone and just want to talk about it!
You can be mysterious in other ways.
Sure, playing hard to get makes you seem mysterious and coy and that’s a good thing but I’ve found that there are other ways to give off those vibes without having to screen your crush’s calls for two weeks. There’s nothing wrong with letting someone know that you’re interested in them and want to spend time with them but keep certain parts of yourself secretive. For example, I have a rule where I don’t let guys contact me out of the blue after 10 p.m. It sends the message that I’m not a “u up?” text kind of girl, but I’d be more than happy to talk to you in normal daylight hours.
It’s no one’s job to tell you how to play your relationships.
I struggled with this for so many years. I constantly let the opinions of my friends and family dictate pretty much every decision I made when it came to dating and getting to know someone new. It got to the point where I questioned every instinct I had and my relationships didn’t even feel like mine anymore. That’s when I knew the madness had to stop. Everyone is different and in turn, every relationship is different. Just do what makes you feel happy and comfortable and that includes moving at the speed you want to. Don’t let the influence of others stress you out, even if their intentions are good.
I want the person I like to know the real me.
At the end of the day, the most important thing to me is that the person that I like sees me for who I truly am. I’m not the girl who can make the guy chase her forever and command all of the attention in the room by playing it cool and uninterested. As much as I wish I could be that way sometimes, the reality is, I’m a giddy, excited, bubbly mess when I’m crushing on someone and the right person will love that about me.
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