Why I’m Always The First To Apologize After A Fight

Why I’m Always The First To Apologize After A Fight ©iStock/Aleksandar Nakic

Fighting sucks, especially when it’s with your boyfriend who you love. It’s hard to have a healthy relationship when you’re mad at each other or arguing about the smallest, stupidest things. I’ve found that the best way to move past these tough times is to be the first one to apologize after a fight. It might not be easy, but here’s why I’m always the first to say I’m sorry.

  1. I want to get back to the normal us. I hate when my boyfriend and I fight. It drives me nuts because that’s not who we are and what we do normally. We’re great at communicating with each other, so when we fight it’s like two different people are in the relationship. Apologies don’t make everything perfect, but it’s the fastest way to get back to the normal us.
  2. I’m not afraid to own up to my mistakes. This makes being the first to apologize really easy for me. I’m not prideful or scared to admit when I’ve done something wrong. Even if the whole fight wasn’t my fault, I played a part. Owning up to that shows my boyfriend that I’m willing to admit my mistakes and work on improving myself for the betterment of our relationship.
  3. I want to clear my name. This one may be a little selfish, but one of the reasons I always like to apologize first is to just clear my name and get my part over with. I know that if I sincerely apologize, I have nothing left to do but wait for him to be ready to own up to his part. He can’t put anything back on me because I was already honest and asked for forgiveness.
  4. It helps him apologize. When my boyfriend sees me letting go of my pride and apologizing, it encourages him to do the same. I know an apology that’s forced is rarely sincere, so I never do that, but I do apologize first to let him know it’s a safe place to admit your wrongs, speak truth and honesty and grow and move forward. When we do that individually, it’s great. When we do that together, it makes our relationship even stronger.
  5. The more I hold onto things, the angrier I become. If I don’t apologize after a fight, I will let my anger, sadness, and whatever other negative emotion I’m holding on to fester inside of me until they’re way out of control. What started out as a small fight will turn into a huge ordeal if I don’t just apologize and get it over with. Things that were said and done might still hurt, but they won’t get turned into something bigger than they are.
  6. An apology never hurts. They say forgiveness is more for the person that was hurt rather than the one who did the hurting. In the same way, an apology is sometimes more for the person who is hearing it than the one who is saying it. Sometimes when I apologize I don’t even mean it completely, but I know it’s going to help the situation. Sometimes it takes everything I have to get those words out of my mouth, especially when the initial problem wasn’t even my fault. But an apology never hurts. In fact, it will only start to make things better.
  7. I’m becoming a better person by doing it. It takes a strong, honest person to be able to apologize. Unfortunately, it’s not something that comes naturally to me. Because of this, when I do apologize first, I know that I’m growing to become a better person every time I do it. It may not be easy, but it does improve my communication skills, and my ability to be humble and it allows me to be a better version of myself.
  8. It’s good for our relationship. Every couple fights — there just seems to be no way around that — but not every couple apologizes, forgives, and moves on. By apologizing first, I’m showing my boyfriend that I’m committed to moving forward together. This allows our relationship to become stronger, our trust in each other to grow, and the good times in our relationship to always trump the bad.
Mattie Gold is a lifestyle, health, and fitness freelance writer with a passion for making people laugh and understand their life better through her work. She is also passionate about chocolate. And taking long walks on a breezy day. And working out because being healthy is pretty cool.