Hookup culture has changed the way we approach sex and dating, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to just go along with it. It’s not that I’m trying to play any games or that I haven’t had some fun of my own in the past — I’m just over this crap. If you want to date me, you won’t be getting me into bed right away. It’s not because I’m a prude, a tease or trying to bait you into a relationship, it’s because I’m a grown woman who won’t lay down until you show me you’re worth it.
- It weeds out the players. If I’m dating you and you bow out or ghost me after only a couple dates and after trying (and failing) to get into my pants, I’ll hold the door open for you as you walk out. I’ve heard this song before. Too many guys think that just because this is a norm now, it’s a blanket tradition. It’s not — at least not in my world.
- I want the guy who stands out from the crowd. It’s expected these days that if we’re dating, we’re having sex, but sorry, it’s not happening — at least not right away. I want a man who takes the time to get to know me and appreciates other amazing the steps in knowing me along the way. Those men are so painfully rare these days, but they really do stand out above all the rest. Plus, if you have a problem with waiting, you’re only showing me your true colors, and I don’t need you.
- I’ve been there, done that. It’s not that I’m perfectly innocent myself or that I think that hopping into bed right away is a bad thing — it’s just not for me. I need real feelings now and I need to know there’s an investment of time and emotions behind finally taking that full and complete step of intimacy.
- I’ve learned my lesson the hard way. I’ve been burned in the past when I trusted that feelings were genuine, only to be completely humiliated and hurt when they weren’t and got dismissed like I was nothing. I won’t make those same mistakes again. Plus, the build up makes it even better when it finally happens.
- I’m looking for more. If I wanted to just sleep with someone for the sake of sex, I could, but that’s not what I want. I’m looking for more than a connection between the sheets — I’m looking for a life partner that I can see myself with for the rest of my days. I need to know this thing is headed in the right direction and that this stuff is real before I share those kinds of moments with anyone else.
- If you want me, earn me. If you really want me to invest into you, it needs to work both ways. I’ll give you my heart and everything that comes with it as long as you prove to me that you’re not like every other douchebag I’m used to and that you’ll work to earn the spot next to me in my life.
- The right guy won’t care. If you’re really the right guy for me, you won’t give a crap that I’m not putting out right away. You’ll be more enamored by my personality, my intelligence, my quick wit and fun loving nature to notice that we’re not in bed together yet. I mean, I know you’ll still have the urges (because what guy doesn’t?) but you’ll be respectful enough to accept that I’m not completely ready.
- Sex with emotion is infinitely better. Having sex without emotion just isn’t fun for me — I need more stimulation than that. I need to know you care about me. I need to know that you give a crap. I need to know that you’ll wake up with me in the morning, have coffee and brunch with me and keep this thing going. Basically, I need to know you’re not another little player.
- I’m worth the wait. I know what I have to offer both inside and outside of the bedroom so believe me when I say that who I am completely, flaws and all, is completely worth the effort it takes to win that coveted spot in my heart. If you want the easy way, by all means, carry on your way without me; but with me, if you want to get me into bed, you better prove you’re worth having in my life (and in my bed).