I’ve been in a relationship of sorts for quite a few months now. I use the words “of sorts” because while it’s a relationship, at least by Merriam-Webster’s definition, I’d really rather not call it a relationship. In fact, I’d actually rather call it anything else at all in the world.
- I think labels are overrated. Unless it’s a label inside my black suede booties that reads Christian Louboutin, I think labels are overrated. I also think they’re unnecessary. If I called this relationship a relationship, would I win a prize? Maybe get a free toaster oven? Would what we have suddenly have more meaning? I doubt it. Last I checked, you didn’t get a free toaster oven for giving your relationship a label.
- I don’t like putting limits on us. So let’s say we call it a relationship—then what? It’s not like there’s something higher or more exciting to which to aspire to achieve. I mean, I guess there’s marriage, but if I don’t want to label my relationship, there’s not a very good chance I’d be walking down the aisle anytime soon anyway.
- I don’t want to complicate things. Labels complicate things. I’m not just shooting from the hip when I say this but because I know it to be a fact. My relationship with my ex, which we called a relationship, suddenly got far more complicated when we called it that, then got even more complicated when we got married and added that label to our lives. It was as if the label was deciding how we should act and behave, and we were at the label’s whim.
- I don’t like expectations. When you use the word “relationship,” what inevitably follows are expectations. I will expect things of him and he will be expecting things of me. And, should we not meet those expectations, there will be arguments, fighting, bickering, and someone will throw a plate against the wall. Expectations, even small ones, are the root of all evil. As someone who has had expectations for past partners and didn’t see those expectations fulfilled, I know now that I never want to deal with expectations ever again.
- I think labeling it would feel like a cage. I don’t believe in cages. Whether it’s a magnificent lion who’s trapped in a zoo who should be roaming free in the Serengeti or me and my partner, living things aren’t meant for cages. Cages are for those who have done wrong and have found themselves in prison. I don’t deserve to feel like I’m in a prison and labeling my relationship would get me one step closer to feeling that way.
- I’ve learned that I’m not the relationship kind. Although it took me a long time to admit this to myself, (because who wants to be able to admit to such a thing?), I’m absolutely, positively, not the relationship kind. I just suck at relationships. I can’t do them—I don’t just feel trapped or weighed down by expectations, but I feel like I’m trying to be something that I’m not. As long as I can keep that word out of the equation, I feel like I can handle being in a relationship… that’s not being called a relationship.
- I don’t want to be seen as a couple. While I couldn’t be happier or prouder that my partner is my partner, I don’t want to be seen as a couple. If you’re seen as a couple, you’re treated as a couple and it can throw off dynamics—especially when you’re hanging out with people who aren’t in any sort of relationship. I don’t want anyone feeling like a third wheel around us and I definitely don’t want people feeling like they have to invite him to something if they invite me. We can function without each other; we don’t have to be treated like we’re a package deal.
- I like that we have the freedom to be ourselves. Like, complete freedom. We can do our own thing and not feel tied to each other, even if emotionally we are. I’m not saying we’re both running around screwing everything in sight, but I am saying that in not labeling our relationship, our “rules” are a bit looser than the rules of my friends who are in relationships and all but scream this label from the rooftops because it’s so important to them. (Why?!)
- I don’t like to feel jealous. I am, by nature, a jealous person. I’m not an over-the-top type of jealous person, but I do have some jealousy that pumps through my veins. If we were to label our relationship a relationship, along with all those pain-in-ass expectations would come jealousy—jealousy that someone is flirting with him, jealousy that he’s not spending enough time with me, jealousy over things that are just a waste of time and energy to be jealous over. I don’t want that and I certainly don’t need it either.
- I don’t want to jinx us. The number one reason why I refuse to call it a relationship? Pure superstition. I have a deep-rooted fear that to take that word and stick it on us will jinx what we have and it will come to an end. I don’t want it to come to an end. I’m not ready to lose him. So, for me, the best thing to do is to go about what we have and pretend the word “relationship” isn’t even an option.
