I’m Single For The First Time In Forever & Have No Idea WTF I’m Doing

I was in a relationship for a long time but now I’m single again and I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to act. I’m so used to being with someone, and it feels weird being out and knowing there’s no one waiting for me at home. Does my hair look okay? Is this guy trying to hit on me? Is it too early to go home? I’m single for the first time in forever and have no idea WTF I’m doing.

  1. There’s no routine. I’m used to having things go a certain way and now I’m running in all different directions, unsure of what the hell is going on in my life. I’ve taken the time to heal from my breakup and while I’ve always enjoyed my independence, I still want love. Unfortunately, there’s no manual that tells me how to navigate the dating scene. What do I do now?
  2. There’s so much unknown. What does one do in the single world? Who do I spend my time with and where’s the best place to be? I know there has to be an easier way to handle this but my instincts aren’t the same as they used to be. I don’t know who’s out there and what they have to offer, if anything. I definitely need some guidance.
  3. There are so many guys out there, but I have no idea which kind I want. I forgot how many of them there were. Tall, short, lanky, chubby, hairy, bald, goofy, handsome, intimidating, etc. Now that I see them all running around, I’m not sure which way to go. Which of them is even worth talking to? Which one will make me happy? The only thing I know is that I don’t want a copy of my ex, but beyond that, I feel clueless.
  4. There’s no guarantee it’ll work with the next one. Now that I’m back in the dating pool, it makes me nervous wondering if it’ll even be successful the next time around. For someone used to being in a relationship, I’m not sure if I can handle the whole casual dating thing that seems so popular. I’m used to wanting so much more and I don’t think I can give that up.
  5. I’m not used to having so much freedom. There’s all this space to roam and so much freedom now that I just don’t know what to do with it. It’s not like my ex controlled me, but I did take him into account with everything I did. Now that I don’t have to do that, my options are endless. Maybe I’ll take up a new hobby, do some traveling or go to a bar and flirt a bit. Or maybe I’ll drink wine in my bed and watch Harry Potter. Yeah, that sounds about right.
  6. I don’t know if I have game anymore. Damn, it’s been so long, I just don’t know if I even make the cut. I’m pretty sure my flirting skills are nonexistent now. How do I spice things back up and come up with creative conversation starters? Are you sure there isn’t a handbook for this?
  7. Do guys even want real relationships anymore? I’m not even sure what people prefer to do in relationships. Is it strictly casual at first? Is it possible to come on too strong? Is not giving them too much attention seen as desirable? I’m afraid that since I’ve been out of the loop for so long, I won’t be doing anything right, thus ruining my chance of finding someone cool to vibe with.
  8. I’m still talking to my ex. Yeah, about that — we haven’t fully stopped talking yet. I’m an idiot, right? I know. I think the talking will happen less and less as time goes on and I’m fine with that, especially if it becomes an issue as I start dating more. I certainly wouldn’t want it to affect my desire to get out there and meet new people. I should be moving forward, not looking back.
  9. I’d rather sit at home than hit the bars or clubs. The problem with trying the whole single thing,  exploring new places and meeting new people, is that I would rather just hang at home. I’ve become more of a homebody over the years and I think it’s going to be a bigger problem than I thought to make an effort to go out. I just really like my bed.
  10. My career is more important than my love life. Overall, I’d rather focus on my career than finding love, which is a good and bad thing. Work is important to me and the time I put into it is more beneficial in the long run than talking to some guy who’ll never actually become anyone important in my life. I think it’s great to be head-strong and career driven, I just hope it doesn’t prevent me from putting myself out there.
  11. I just feel lost. I guess you could say I’m a little confused as to what I’m supposed to do. I’m always told when I don’t know what to do, just do nothing. Whatever is meant to be will happen. Single life can’t be that bad, can it? I just need to learn to enjoy it, which seems easier said than done right now.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia