I Think My Insistence On Being 100% Myself At All Times Is Why I’m Single

I’ve been single for years and I’m pretty sure it’s because I take authenticity more seriously than most. I hate the idea of faking my way through a relationship—it’s gotta be real, otherwise I’m not interested.

  1. I’d rather be single than be with someone I don’t really like. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you don’t actually like the person? I know so many people who are in relationships just for convenience’s sake. I also know people who have been with each other for so long that they feel like they have to keep up the act for the sake of everyone they know. I would rather be single until I die than live my life pretending to love someone to save face.
  2. I need to love someone 100% or not at all. I’m highly idealistic about love, so the second I start falling out of love with someone or I get let down by them in someway, I pull the plug. I’m sure I’ve missed out on some good things by cutting so many of my relationships short, but in my mind, if I can’t be head over heels with my partner, then why even bother?
  3. I find most romantic situations to be cheesy. I have an adverse reaction to public displays of affection, couples who baby talk to each other, and any sort of corny Valentine’s Day gifts. I just want to be real with someone and not do cheesy romantic gestures just because everyone else is doing them. I even find hand-holding too cheesy. I can’t help it!
  4. I tend to think in absolutes. I have a very black and white style of thinking. If I’m not feeling the guy I’m dating 100% then I don’t wanna be with him at all. If I can’t picture spending the rest of my life with someone, I get the hell out ASAP. If he isn’t Mr. Perfect, he’s just not good enough for me. I never grow to love anyone.
  5. I do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it. I like to live my life on my own terms, not anyone else’s. To me, being in a couple is inauthentic because you’re obviously going to be abandoning a part of yourself to make the other person happy—unless, of course, you fit perfectly together. Can you see why I’m so picky about the guys I date?
  6. I know right away whether or not someone is right for me. I have razor-sharp focus and know almost instantly if someone is right for me. If I can clearly see that we’re not going to vibe, then I don’t say yes to another date. I’d be wasting both their time and mine and we’d end up trying to force something that isn’t meant to happen.
  7. I don’t want to be in a relationship just because I’m “supposed” to. So many people go on dating sites just because everyone else is doing it. Finding love is the ultimate goal, right?  Not necessarily. I’ve learned that it’s much more important to do what’s best for you, not what your family, friends, and society wants you to do. If being single feels right, then being single it is!
  8. I like the idea of being an individual. Ever since I was little, I’ve loved to stand out from the crowd. I have this innate desire to be different, but moreover, I want to be myself and it’s kinda hard to do that when you’re in a relationship and always concerned about what the other person wants.
  9. Unless I find a copy of me, I don’t think I can be in a relationship. Honestly, unless I find someone who likes all the same stuff as me and really understands where I’m coming from, I think I’m better off single. I’ll still be waiting for my person to come, of course, but I’m not going to make it my life’s purpose to find my perfect partner.
  10. At the end of the day, I’m my own best friend. People say all the time that their partner is their best friend, but I like to think that I already fulfill that role in my life. At the end of the day, I’m all I have, so I’ll do whatever it takes to stay true to that.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.