Is Always Texting First Really A Bad Thing?

Whether it’s a friend or someone you’re going out with, there are all these rules and meanings about who should text whom and when and why and how. It’s totally exhausting. While you might think always being the one to initiate a message is a bad thing, it’s really not that big of a deal. Not convinced? Consider these things.

  1. You’re too old to be playing games. Worrying about being the person texting first sounds so juvenile to me. We’re all adults and that means owning up to what we want and going after it shamelessly and without apology. As long as you get along and they haven’t shown any indication that they would prefer it if you stopped trying to communicate with them, then there’s no harm done. All texting first does is help you talk to a person faster and more than you would have if you just waited around for them to text you instead.
  2. What matters is whether you like talking to them. You need to ask yourself what’s important: talking to this person or keeping score. If it’s the latter, then by all means, keep trying to win whatever trophy that will bring. But if you really care about this person and want to check in on their life, then always texting first is a small price to pay. You don’t want to miss out on the wonderful experience of building a connection with someone because of that. Of course, it’s another thing entirely when they rarely respond positively to your messages.
  3. It’ll help you get over your insecurity. The truth is if you’re worried about who texts who first, it’s probably because you’re not sure about yourself and your relationship with this person. What better way to give yourself a confidence boost than by taking control? Text them first, express your feelings, and let them clarify what’s going on. You’re going to enjoy the feeling of being in charge if nothing else. Staring at your phone and waiting for it to buzz is not going to make you feel better about yourself or resolve anything. Your move.
  4. They might really be bad at texting. Personally, I don’t like texting that much and I tend to avoid it a lot, so there’s always a texting imbalance in all my relationships. If my friends or my lovers simply decided never to message me first just for the sake of not being the ones to always text first, then we would all suffer. What’s the point of that when what you want is to talk to the person you care about? Once you stop putting too much weight the trivial things, the value of your affections will make texting first worthwhile.
  5. Your wants and thoughts are valid too. It is nice to know that someone is thinking about you and wants to connect with you regularly. It’s also equaling validating when you’re the one who feels that way about someone else, especially when you know the feeling is mutual. Do you have the urge to text someone? Do it as long as it doesn’t leave you drained and sad.
  6. There’s a real chance things might work out. You lose 100% of the shots you don’t take. If you really like someone, you should enjoy every moment that you can with them because there will probably come a time when life will interfere with all that and force you apart. Who knows what would happen? They could end up being one of your closest friends or even the love of your life and when you look back, you’re always going to be grateful for texting first.
  7. The right person will appreciate the effort. Here’s the thing: always texting first is not the bad thing, texting the wrong person is. When your efforts are directed at the right person, it won’t matter that you’re taking the lead. It’ll count for something because they’ll be attracted to your courage and maturity. The right person is going to lose their mind every time you text to check in or ask them to hang out, so go for it.
  8. It’s your ticket away from anxiety. Instead of checking your inbox a thousand times hoping that they can magically sense your desire for communication and text you, doing the honors will save you the stress and worry. You’re going to feel lighter and better when you just text first and kickstart the conversation. Why go nuts all on your own when you can both go nuts together?
  9. You lose nothing by texting first. You want to talk to a person, you text them, they text back and now you’re talking. If they don’t respond or keep airing your messages, great! Now you’re aware of how they feel and you can move on knowing you tried. It’s a win-win situation any way you slice it.
  10. At the end of the day, it’s just a text. Seriously, there are far bigger things to worry about. Sending a simple message shouldn’t be one of them. If you have something to say and want to shoot them a message to tell them, go for it. It’s really not worth overthinking.


A girl preoccupied with living her best life even when it's uncomfortable to do so. She spends a lot of time with her thoughts. She hopes you enjoy reading the results of those thoughts.