Hanging out with the same person for a month used to be a big deal. Hell, at one point, you were pretty much married by that point. However, these days things are a whole lot different, so is one month of dating really even a big deal anymore? Totally!
- You know if you have a spark or not. It’s a gut feeling. It’s like when your work tells the men in the room with you about the streamlined career progression they’re on and then pauses to tell you about your own pivot into an administration role. You can dress things up all you like, but you know in your gut how you respond to that information. Within a few weeks — or even minutes for some — you should know how you feel about the person you’re talking to. Even from a base level of asking yourself ‘do I want to see them again?’. You don’t have to know that they’re your soulmate, but it helps to know that you have an opinion, either way, you get me? If you’re convincing yourself that you’re interested after month one, it will become a waste of energy and you won’t continue investing your energy with them.
- You get a sense of compatibility. While in the times of old, a month was a good way of knowing if someone would make a good wife, nowadays, the most you can tell is whether you are vaguely compatible. However, even that can be deceptive.
- You’ll start to overthink. You can perform a certain level of compatibility by a quick google search to check which bands and nostalgic noughties trends to feign interest in to keep the conversation going for a month, but it doesn’t tell you about personalities in the long term. That’s why the month-long metric isn’t really relevant in the age of the internet. It changes how we respond to time – we need more of it to trust people because so much of our lives can be seen online. Authenticity in the modern era is like solid gold. This means that you will increasingly question even the green flags you get faced with because of the dating culture of the 21st century. You are less likely to know if it feels right than in the past because there are more factors that could compromise the situation.
- You just don’t know each other enough. This is the harsh truth. You might think that you know them, or that your heart sings for them or whatever, but you don’t. It’s something that comes with perspective. The more you learn about someone, the more you realize that you have to learn about them. It’s like a maze. A maze isn’t something that you get to the center of in 30 days. That’s not a sign that you aren’t with the right person, either. It just means that you’re normal. We are all so individual and complex, you can’t play judge, jury, and executioner so early. Give it time.
- You will get weighed down by labels. There’s a real push, a compulsion really, in the modern world to put a label on everything. It’s maybe a way of asserting control over a complex world. However, even if you neatly categorize yourself into lots of different boxes, you still won’t be able to control a relationship. Fundamentally, that’s because you can’t control people. Or time. That’s what happens when you start counting days and trying to put your relationship against a timer. Generally, people don’t respond with great emotional outpourings to ultimatums, so don’t push those on to them.
- You’re young, experiment. Don’t worry about trying to settle down immediately. If that’s how you approach every relationship, by judging whether you love someone after a month, that’s too much pressure. This means that you’re forcing yourself to commit to an idea rather than a person. Give yourself a break and just try to enjoy a relationship or situationship, or heck, even a one-night-stand. If you don’t fit into the modern dating world, give it a go. What’s the worst that could happen?
- Context rules. Much as I dismiss the importance of the one-month milestone, it all depends on the context. As with all things, of course. If you have a history of short flings or never getting a second date, then naturally the month point will be significant. To you. Maybe your partner would think nothing of it – maybe you wouldn’t either. But it certainly has routes and avenues and permutations in which it has a role in modern relationships. Particularly those originating from an online dating platform that rhymes with Flinder. Modern gentlemen are a different breed, frankly.
- It varies from person to person. As all relationships can’t be summed up in a month because they’re so different, nor can they be sweepingly dismissed by me. Therefore, it’s important to recognize that different personnel can affect the speed of a relationship. Queer relationships, for example, are usually very speedy, along with the relationships of men and women in active service, or people who might need to make certain other logistical maths make sense by getting hitched. You see what I’m saying? There are so many ways in which a month milestone can still be significant.
Why one month of dating is still a milestone
Sure, it’s a bit early to be throwing yourselves an anniversary party, but dating the same person for a month is still noteworthy.
- It’s way too easy to move on quickly. Thanks to dating apps and hookup culture, it would have been all too simple to meet up, hook up, and then move on without another word. There’s always someone out there to take your place or theirs, so sticking around beyond the first few days is pretty meaningful (and pretty impressive).
- There’s obviously something there. If you’ve been dating for one month, that may not seem like a long time — and in the grand scheme of things, it probably isn’t — but it does mean that you like one another enough and that there’s enough between you that you still think it’s worthwhile to pursue one another. If there was nothing between you, chances are you would have cut it off by now, right?
- You’re on your way to something long-term. One month of dating could soon become two, three, nine, or even years. You really never know. It’s important to take things day by day and not rush anything — this is the fun part and you should enjoy it! — but there’s nothing wrong with being hopeful for something more.
