I’m in my 30s now and I’ve been dating for more than a decade. I’ve been in several serious relationships, one of which nearly resulted in marriage, and I’ve gone out with dozens of people over the years. However, I can proudly say that I’ve never once used dating apps to meet any of them. I don’t hate on anyone who has, of course, but it’s not something that’s ever appealed to me. In fact, I don’t care how desperate I get for love. I’ll never download Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or any other app to find a date.
Dating apps are a disaster.
1. Everyone’s looking for a hookup.
Sure, there will be some people looking for a legitimate relationship online. However, by and large, dating apps are for hookups. (At least, that’s what most of the people on them seem to think.) I’m not trying to wade through the garbage to find one of the few legit people.
2. No one tells the truth.
I know people lie in real life, but it’s out of control on dating apps. The amount of crap people spew on their profiles is bonkers. I guess since most people never plan to actually meet up in person (they’ll ghost before then, but more on that below), they figure they’ll never get caught.
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4. Ghosting is way too common.
This is a big reason I’ve never used dating apps. The stakes are so much lower for many people, so they don’t bother to say when they’re no longer interested. You could be talking to someone for a few weeks and be really starting to like them. However, before you know it, you’re blocked and you never hear from them again. I’ve seen this happen with several of my friends way too many times.
5. Everything is superficial.
Obviously physical attraction is important. Appearance is the first thing we see in people. However, on dating apps, it seems like that’s all that matters. I’ve had friends get harassed by guys for not being a size 0. I’ve had other friends called “ugly” or told they would never find a guy desperate enough to date them. First of all, forget them. Second of all, why does how people look matter so much? I guess dating app profiles don’t give you much else to go on…
6. I don’t want dudes’ pics, thanks.
This is a biggie (no pun intended). There’s nothing I hate more than unsolicited picks. I’ve received them in the “real” dating world. However, this hasn’t happened nearly as much as it seems to when it comes to my friends on dating apps. It’s basically an everyday occurrence, and I’m just not here for that.
7. I hate having to market myself.
I’m not thick. I know that all dating is marketing yourself as a good partner. Duh! However, dating apps are so reductive that it’s basically like putting an ad out on yourself and trying to prove your worth. I have healthy levels of self-esteem. However, I feel like it wouldn’t stay that way if I was on dating apps.
I’ve never needed to use dating apps to meet people.
1. I have a pretty big social circle.
I have tons of friends, and yes, I’ve dated a few. It’s not as messy as it sounds, I promise. Sure, most of them have led to long-term relationships. However, I have had some fun times with a couple of them over the years. And yes, we’re still friends today.
2. I “put myself out there” in my daily life.
I guess one of the reasons I’ve never felt tempted to use dating apps is that I’m pretty assertive in my everyday life. I’m not shy about asking for someone’s number or making a move if I’m interested in someone. Because of that, I’ve never really been hurting for options. That’s not me being conceited, it’s just the truth.
3. I hang out in places where there are other single people.
I’m in a monthly book club that’s refreshingly co-ed. I also go to the gym five times a week, and occasionally I take a class at the local community college if anything catches my interest. I meet a ton of interesting (and single!) people in these places. My last boyfriend, who I dated for a little over a year, was someone I met through a French class!
4. Yes, I’ve met people at work.
I know dating your co-workers is frowned upon (and I agree it can end in disaster, as I’ve experienced first-hand), but unless there’s a power imbalance, i.e. you’re dating a superior or subordinate, it’s not really a big deal. I actually was engaged to someone I used to work with for a short period of time.
5. I’m open to being set up.
A lot of people really aren’t into being set up by friends or family members, but I don’t mind it. If it doesn’t work out, there’s no pressure to keep things going just because we have mutual connections. I’d still much rather be set up with someone than have to use dating apps.
A lot would have to change for me to even consider it.
A lot of my friends have tried to convince me to try dating apps, even if only temporarily. I’ve always refused. To be honest, everything about them would have to change in order for me to give them a shot. I don’t even mean with the apps themselves. I suppose I just think that dating apps have ruined dating culture. It’s made the process of looking for love way less fun and way more traumatic. I don’t want to feel stressed and anxious about dating. On the contrary, I want to feel excited and full of hope.
While dating apps dominate, I don’t think I want any part of them. Am I missing out on finding the love of my life? Sure, I guess it’s possible. However, I’m happy to take my chances for now.
