Sometimes, Dating The “Perfect” Guy Is Scarier Than Dating The Wrong One

The bliss you feel at finding your perfect guy doesn’t last long before you start to get scared AF that your happiness is going to blow up in your face. After all, relationships can end even when they’re amazing. Here are some anxious thoughts/irrational fears that might be going through your head:

  1. “What if we don’t connect on all levels?” When you feel like you’ve finally met a guy you can picture your life with, you worry that it’s too good to be true, like you’ll discover he’s an addict or hears voices that aren’t there. Or, you’re scared that you won’t be compatible in all areas of your relationship. Perhaps you’ll get along intellectually but have zero chemistry in the bedroom. Ugh! Unfortunately, there’s no way to deal with this other than seeing what happens and keeping your fingers crossed.
  2. I hope his family loves me.” You might think it’s no big deal if his family doesn’t love you, but it definitely will be in the long run. His loved ones influence him and can end up screwing your relationship if you don’t get along, so you really want his nearest and dearest to want to welcome you into the circle. Of course, you’re an amazing woman and an awesome girlfriend, so why wouldn’t they love you?
  3. “What if he doesn’t see me as The One?” You’ve told each other how much you love each other and want to be together, but you can’t exactly ask him if he sees you as The One so you worry about it — a lot. Instead of getting so caught up in stressing about the future, try to enjoy the committed and happy relationship you’ve got going. No one knows what could happen anyway, even with the sincerest declarations.
  4. “He’s ruined me for all other guys.” You might think that since this is your perfect guy, you’ll start collecting cats instead of Tinder dates if it all goes down in flames. It’s like he’s such a great match for you that you fear you won’t be able to be happy with anyone else. Of course, that’s impossible — you’ve probably thought that before and look how that turned out.
  5. “What if it ends?” When you get serious with your perfect guy and fall seriously hard, you might fear that one day the relationship will end. You’ll lose your great love and be thrown back into the dating pool, but you’ll float and swim. You always do. Besides, it’s better to have loved and lost.
  6. “What if the magic comes to an end?” Your relationship feels so perfect, you can’t help but worry that it’s going to start showing cracks. The honeymoon phase will come to an end, you’ll get into fights, the cute things you loved about your partner might start to grate on you… But wait — who says this means the fairytale is over? Getting to know the real, raw aspects of your partner will make your relationship stronger.
  7. “Is he really into me?” It’s sometimes hard to believe your luck that the guy you’re into thinks you’re a love goddess. You might find yourself wondering if that’s really true, especially if you’ve been hurt by liars in the past. Well, guess what? It IS true, so why are you so surprised? You’re awesome.
  8. “I have so much more to lose than before.” You gave your heart to guys in the past who tore it up. Now you’re with someone you feel even more love for, so you’re giving even more than you realized you were capable of giving. You feel like you’ve got way more to lose if things don’t work out this time, but the cool thing is that hearts regenerate and if you’ve loved once, you can love again. Don’t forget that.
  9. “This breakup will hurt like hell.” Loving someone more than you thought was possible means that the fall will be much harder, so you might fear how much pain you’ll go through if the relationship ever ends. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is the worst. If you have to go through a breakup, you will and you’ll survive. You can’t strengthen yourself against some possible future pain by worrying about it. It actually creates problems that don’t exist.
  10. “What if I mess this up?” With great love comes great responsibility. You might fear that your partner will screw things up and hurt you, but what if you make a mess of things? It’s easy to take someone for granted, not compromise as you should and get stuck in your ways. That’s why if you’ve got great love in your life, it deserves lots of delicate hands — and strong thoughts that no matter what happens, love that’s meant for you won’t walk out of your life.
  11. “Oh god, I’ve changed.” Relationships change people’s lives, which can be exciting but also scary. However, the right relationship helps you to grow and become more of the amazing person you are. A toxic relationship makes you lose yourself. If you’ve got a good thing going and it ends, it doesn’t change what you’ve gained. No one can take your self-growth away from you. That crap is yours to take to the next phase of your life, so embrace the positive changes.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.