If I Was Just a Hookup, You Could Have At Least Told Me

Hookup culture has taken over dating and I hate every minute of it. I wasn’t made for one-night stands and casual relationships; I’m more old-fashioned than that. I might be behind the times, but that doesn’t mean you can take advantage of me. If all you ever wanted wasn’t a hookup, you could have at the very least told me…

  1. Your intentions were anything but clear. You might be asking yourself what would have been the right thing to do in this situation. Well, let me answer that question for you — you could have told me exactly what you wanted out of our “relationship.” Instead of pretending like there was actually something emotional between us, you could have told me all we’d ever be was sexual. You could have made your intentions clear — in fact, that’s exactly what you should have done.
  2. We did more than just have sex. We talked, we hung out, we even went out on actual dates. How is that not dating? How was I supposed to come to the conclusion that we were just hooking up and would never be an official couple? From the way you were acting, we were headed for a relationship. If you just wanted sex, why did you act like my boyfriend?
  3. Saying you sent mixed signals would be an understatement. Our wires didn’t get crossed — you knew exactly what signals you sent and exactly how I would interpret them. You can try to play innocent but we both know the vibes you gave. We were acting like the early stages of a relationship, not a meaningless hookup.
  4. I wish I knew early on that you were a player. You purposefully made me believe that you had feelings for me so you could get me under the sheets. The second I wanted to have “The Talk” and see where we stood and where we were headed, that’s the moment you decided to tell me that I was nothing but sex to you. You fooled me into thinking we had something real, but in the end, you were just another fake.
  5. I thought I meant something more to you. That’s the worst part — realizing that our whole “relationship” was a lie. I was seeing things one way and you were seeing them a completely different way. I thought we were falling in love but all you thought of was falling into bed with me. What kind of person does that?
  6. You knew I was always and will always be a relationship girl. I even told you in those exact words that I was/am a relationship girl. Furthermore, I told you that I have absolutely no interest in hookup culture, so why did you force me into it? Sure, I made my own decisions, but those were based on the feelings I thought we both had. You manipulated me into bed with you — that’s one thing you can’t deny.
  7. There are girls out there who want what you want — just sex. I’m not one of them and I never pretended to be, so why did you waste my time instead of going after a hookup girl? In modern dating, I feel like the minority. I feel like most girls are okay with keeping things casual, but I’m not. Why not go after a girl who’s into hookup culture? Why would you go after a girl like me?
  8. Sex actually means something to me. Once again, you knew that. I didn’t jump into the sack with you on the first date. We took our time to get to know each other. I told you how I felt about sex and you even knew how many partners I had before you. We didn’t rush into a sexual relationship, so I don’t know I you could expect me to interpret this as a hookup.
  9. I deserve better than to be treated like a piece of meat. I’m not just a warm body you can use to get you off. I’m a person. I have feelings, and those feelings should actually matter to you. All that time we spent together made me foolish enough to think you actually cared. I believed you were one of the good guys but in reality, you’re just another player.
  10. I was never unclear about what I wanted. Not for a single second did you truly believe I was okay with just sex. We both know that. I told you from day one that I wasn’t looking for something casual and you acted like we were on the same page. You knew I wanted a relationship and you made me believe that’s what you wanted too. I was always clear about my intentions, but not once did you ever say or even indicate that I was just a hookup to you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.