Lame Breakup Excuses No One Should Ever Use

Sure, we get it — breaking up is hard to do. But is it really that hard to give an honest, heartfelt explanation for the split instead of reciting some cliché one-liner? Doesn’t the person being dumped at least deserve to know why it didn’t work out? Apparently not, if these commonly used lame breakup excuses are any indication:

  1. “I’m just not ready to start something serious right now.” But you already did start something serious! Well, at least it’s serious enough that you feel the need to come up with some kind of crappy excuse to break it off, anyway. So there’s that.
  2. “I don’t think I can give you what you’re looking for.” Um, shouldn’t the other person be the one to decide what she’s looking for and whether or not you are currently giving that to her? This one is such a phony way of coming off as self-deprecating about not being enough, when in reality, he’s the one who’s just not willing to put in the effort or commitment. Ugh.
  3. “I want to focus on myself right now.” Since when did having a girlfriend mean you can’t focus on yourself? Don’t try to act like all relationships come with an automatic ball and chain. I’m pretty sure you can manage to go out to dinner for one lousy date night a week and still have some time to spare to focus on yourself, whatever the hell that means, anyway.
  4. “I think we should take a little break right now.” You mean you think you want to get the benefits of being single and yet still leave open the option to come back in case you can’t find anyone better? No, thank you.
  5. “I’m not ready to settle down yet.” Unless she just asked you to put a ring on it now, this is such a cheap way of making the breakup seem like it’s your fault for being too needy or too demanding. This one usually means that they’ve got their eye on someone else.
  6. “I just need some space.” Oh, so I should, like, go home to my place across town and come back next week?
  7. “I’m just really busy with work.” Really? Because it seems like you have time to hang out with all of your guy friends, binge watch Netflix for hours, and post unnecessary life updates on Facebook all day.
  8. “I don’t want to hurt you more if we break up later.” Oh, you are so generous and care so much about my feelings. Somebody should give you an award for your kindness.

Oh well. There are certainly much better ways to break up with someone, but then again things could always be worse. At least it’s not ghosting.

Jessica Levy is a freelance blogger and content writer. She’s also a politics junkie, a fledgling foodie, and a frequent traveler. She has lived in Morocco, Israel, India, and Barbados, and never wants to be cold again. Follow her on Twitter!