Ever find yourself saying “it’s not that bad” or “they’ll change”? If you’re struggling in a relationship, you’re not alone. Many of us fall for common lies that keep us trapped in unhealthy situations. It’s time to get honest with yourself about the reasons you might be staying in a partnership that just doesn’t serve you. Chances are you’ve probably had more than one of these thoughts at some point.
1. “I won’t find anyone else.”
This is another way of saying, “I don’t think I deserve better.” It’s typically said when someone is dating a narcissistic, manipulative, or abusive person. Said jerk has trained you to think you’re worthless apart from dating them. It’s time to recognize your worth and accept that you have the right to date someone who matches your kindness and respect.
2. “It’s not like I’ll find anyone better.”
If you don’t think you deserve better, you don’t think you would find anyone better. You’re settling for the sake of an assumption that’s fundamentally wrong. There are billions of people in the world. You really don’t believe you’d find one who’s better suited to you?
3. “I’ve invested too much time.”
I’ve heard this excuse many times from guys and girls. They don’t want to break up with their significant other because they have invested years of their life in this relationship. To break up with their partner would make all that time feel like a complete waste. But time is never wasted if you have learned how to better love others and respect yourself.
4. “I don’t want to start all over.”
When you feel that you’ve invested too much time in another person, it’s normal to think that you don’t want to start over. But what sounds more hopeful? A fresh start with a healthier perspective on relationships, or staying in a bad relationship to dodge a fresh start with a healthier perspective on relationships?
5. “I’m getting too old to start all over.”
Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s—no matter your age—it’s easy to feel that time is flying by, and you’re too old to go back to square one of dating. But may I remind you of something? You’re getting too old to stay in a bad relationship too.
6. “I’ve invested too much money.”
You start thinking about the dinners you paid for, vacations you spotted, birthdays you splurged on. The dollar signs add up, and you think it would all be a financial waste to break off the relationship. Remember, though, money can’t define contentment.
7. “I slept with them.”
This is a hard, heartbreaking one. You gave them a sacred piece of yourself, so you feel obligated to stay. But does your heart deserve to be in a messy, manipulative relationship?
8. “My parents will be so mad.”
Maybe you’ve met a guy who just so happens to be a lawyer with lots of small-town clout and your mom loves him. She practically picked him out for you. Maybe your girlfriend is the daughter your dad never had and calling things off would break them both. I get it. Really. But if you stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of those who aren’t in the relationship, you’ll hurt yourself. This will create a ripple effect and eventually hurt everyone else around you.
9. “My friends will play matchmaker again.”
Starting back at square one means your well-meaning friends will set you up on lots of random, miserable dates. You don’t want to play the musical chairs of dating again… and again… oh and again. However, you can share with your friends that you aren’t up for dating again so soon. True friends will respect this boundary and everyone else, well, isn’t a true friend.
10. “If I love them enough, they’ll change.”
This was my excuse—the hang-up that kept me in a toxic relationship for almost three years. I saw their potential. I knew who they could become, and I thought my love could drag them across that finish line. But grown men and women make their own decisions, including whether they’ll step into their potential or not. Don’t devalue your love, forcing it to attempt a heart makeover on your significant other.
11. “I will have changed for nothing.”
Did you change for the better? If your partner encouraged you to be more adventurous, reconcile with family, or reprioritize your career, be grateful. Even if the relationship needs to end, you can keep the pieces of you that changed for the better. If you changed simply to appease them, sacrificing your values and personality, do you really want to keep up this same charade to stay in a bad relationship?
12. “I’ll be way too lonely.”
Being single is easily equated with being lonely. But this season of singleness could be what you need to establish healthy friendships and plug in with others around you. Besides, being in a miserable relationship is its own kind of lonely.
13. “I’ll be the odd one out.”
If you’re worried about being a third wheel, you’re allowing others to dictate your personal relationship. Your concern is placed on social gatherings and how other couples will view you. Don’t allow people who aren’t in the relationship to determine the relationship.
14. “Everyone will think I’m the bad guy.”
Here’s the hard truth—people who want to gossip will. It doesn’t matter if you’re the “good guy,” the one who did everything right. Haters will hate. Again, you can’t allow others, especially those who are judgmental and looking for ways to gossip, to control who you date.
15. “Everyone will think I’m the problem.”
What if everyone thinks there’s something wrong with you since you can’t seem to settle down? What if they assume you are some weirdo? What if they say you’re clingy? What if what-ifs don’t matter? If you’re in a bad relationship, don’t allow unhealthy thoughts to keep you trapped.
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