I Texted Him After He Dumped Me & I Totally Regret It

The breakup hit me out of nowhere. I know he’d been a bit distant for a while, but I thought we were okay and that it was just a phase. So when my boyfriend texted me to say he didn’t want to be with me anymore without any explanation whatsoever, I couldn’t deal. I needed to find out what the hell was going on. I reached out even though I should have let it go. It didn’t take long to make me totally regret texting him.

  1. I needed closure. Yes, I wish I hadn’t texted him, but at the time, I needed a reason for his decision to leave me. I just wanted the truth! I didn’t want to deal with all the unanswered questions going through my mind, like whether I’d done something wrong to upset him or if I could have done anything differently. But did I really want closure or was I using that as an excuse to get back in touch with him? I only realized later that it was the latter.
  2. I didn’t know how to move on. I was so shocked, and I felt like I needed him to help me out so that I could draw a line under the experience and move on with my life. I really didn’t know how to do that without any explanation from him. I didn’t realize I was fooling myself. The last thing I needed was to talk to the guy who broke my heart.
  3. I wanted a relationship sequel. I texted him despite my friends telling me it was a bad idea and asked him to tell me what went gone wrong with us. When he didn’t answer, I texted him again to tell him that I wished we could get back together. Eek, awkward AF.
  4. It was pretty clear I’d made a mistake. The guy didn’t reply to ANY of my texts, and I’m not surprised. I think deep down I’d hoped we could make things work in spite of his decision. However, that was just breakup denial talking. My messages to him had only served to make me look desperate and I felt like a fool.
  5. I made my fear of rejection even worse. Getting dumped had been bad enough, but now that I’d put my feelings out there with someone who clearly didn’t value them or me, I’d just increased my feelings of rejection and sadness. I had fears that he was with someone else or had lied to me about his feelings earlier in the relationship. Why would I care about that? It was over. I’d expected the truth and decency from someone who clearly wasn’t honest or real, and had made myself suffer for his lousiness. In the end, I was the only one filled with regret because I was the one texting him.
  6. I should have told him to f*ck off. That is all this loser needed from me, IMHO. I shouldn’t have sent him any messages because he was not the type of guy who deserved me or my love. I saw that clearly only after he didn’t reply to my texts, so they were a huge wake-up call.
  7. I felt like he “won.” I know it sounds childish, but it felt like he won the breakup by dumping me and moving on, while I had given him an ego boost by showing him how much I felt for him. Cringe! I should have kept my feelings to myself where they wouldn’t embarrass me.
  8. I should have listened to my mother. My mother once told me, “Never have anything in writing during a breakup.” Damn it, I should have listened. The thought of him having texts re-declaring my love for him and sounding so desperate made me sick. I hated that he had a record of my words to him — it felt just as bad as a nude selfie. Ugh, I really regret texting him.
  9. I hadn’t known my worth. As time went on, I realized that if I’d had greater self-worth, I would never have stooped so low with this guy. I would’ve told him to go to hell and moved on from him. I learned the hard way that you can’t expect the truth from cheap people because it’s an expensive gift, as the saying goes. I should have ignored him and moved on to bigger, better things.
  10. The truth wouldn’t have helped me. Besides, even if he’d been man enough to give me a proper explanation for bolting on me, what use would it have been? I would’ve had a concrete reason, but it wouldn’t have guaranteed that moving on would have been any easier. I still would’ve had to do the work to get over the jerk, whether or not I got closure. Screw closure — it’s overrated.
  11. I learned the signs of a boyfriend about to bolt. The experience wasn’t a complete waste of time. Thanks to this loser, I learned the hard way that there are always signs before a guy’s about to break up with me. For instance, he had been distant with me for a few weeks before he lay the bomb on me. He wouldn’t share much of his life with me and he took ages to reply to my texts. The breakup had felt like a shock, yes. Still, it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise.
  12. I have a “delete and run” rule in place now. After this horrible breakup, I decided never to text a guy who dumps me ever again, even if I’m torn up with questions. It’s just not worth it. Plus, I probably won’t get the type of answers I want anyway. I don’t want to feel pathetic, like I’m so desperate for someone’s love because I’m not. When a guy dumps me, I’m deleting his number from my phone. That will stop me from reaching out on lonely nights. Instead, I’ll run for the hill as fast as I can. I don’t want to live to regret texting an ex again.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.