It can be terrifying when you feel the energy in a relationship starting to wane. Maybe he’s no longer being as sweet and sensitive as he used to be. Maybe you can’t shake the feeling that he sees you as a bother and he’s making excuses to get out of spending time together. Or, maybe you can sense that he’s absent even when he’s right there with you. Whatever it is, here’s what you can do to bridge the distance.
Play it cool.
Even though there’s a lot running through your mind and you’re worried and afraid of what could be happening, it’s important to not freak out. You won’t get the validation, attention, or reassurance that you’re looking for by letting your fears control how you react. Sure, your needs are valid, but displaying your neediness every time you are together might only make him even more distant.
Don’t make it about yourself.
You need to keep in mind that the reason he’s pulling away probably has nothing to do with you. So instead of going on the defensive, be open and leave room for a healthy conversation. He’ll be more likely to be honest about what’s going on if he doesn’t feel like he’s backed into a corner.
Try to get to the bottom of the issue.
If you feel your boyfriend getting distant, ignoring it and hoping it goes away might not be the best way to handle things. Communicate with him. Explain how you’re feeling without being accusatory and ask him why it’s happening. It could be something fixable or that he no longer cares about you like before. Either way, you’ll be in the know.
Let him know you’re there for him.
There are a thousand reasons why your boyfriend is distant. Maybe he’s stressed, work is kicking his butt, or he’s trying to deal with some personal thing. As long as he doesn’t want the relationship to end, now is the time to be supportive. Have his back, reassure him, and just go on loving him as he works through it.
Give him space to figure out what he wants.
Sometimes all people want is time to themselves. Give him space to be alone even if it’s confusing and difficult for you. This is about his needs, and if you can be emotionally mature enough to give him that without spite, he’ll appreciate you even more when he gets back to normal.
Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
I know it’s a tough spot to be in when someone who used to love you intensely is being cold and pulling away all of a sudden. But try not to let all that anxiety, worry, and negative emotions running around in your head get to you. Put all that aside when addressing what’s going on.
Use the time to take a good look at yourself.
How does your boyfriend pulling away make you feel? Is there something you’re doing that is responsible for the growing distance? Pause and examine yourself and the relationship—and if there’s anything that needs fixing, go to work on it.
Take a few steps back and don’t rush things.
There’s a chance that he’s being distant because he feels the relationship is moving too fast. He might care a great deal about you, but being in a committed relationship can be jarring. Take your time and give him room to adjust to the change of pace.
Add some spice to your dating life.
It’s natural for the spark in a relationship to die down after a while, but the problem is if it just stays dead. Come up with interesting date ideas, switch things up in the bedroom, take some time away together. Just try to break out of the routine.
Avoid chasing after him at all costs.
You probably think that running after him or trying to force things with him will make your boyfriend stop being distant, but it’s more likely to have the opposite effect. You’re going to end up angry, frustrated, and hurt when he doesn’t respond the way you’re hoping. Give him time to breathe and focus on other things that make you happy.
Be prepared for the worst.
It’s possible that your boyfriend is distant because he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. You should prepare yourself for that outcome, sit with it, and try to be fine with it. It might feel like the end of everything you know, but it isn’t. Love will always come calling. Remember that.
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