There are a number of ways to tell that your boyfriend is cheating on you, but don’t expect anything other than a denial when you call him out on it. As men, we’re likely going to deflect, project, or lie our way out of the situation. If you hear us delivering one of these lines, sorry, but we’ve either being unfaithful or we’re still guilty of it.
“You have nothing to worry about.” If you ask a guy if he’s cheating on you, he’ll likely say that you have nothing to worry about. This is code for “stop digging.” A guy who isn’t cheating on you will go into detail about how much he loves you and how you’re silly to think he’s cheating; a guy who actually is cheating will say this just to change the subject as quickly as possible.
“I just crashed on (male friend’s) couch.” Unless you know ahead of time about your boyfriend and his friends planning a wild and crazy party, odds are he didn’t decide to spend the night sleeping on his friend’s couch. What this really means is that he spent the night with another woman but you’ll never know about it because he has an alibi. If he’s smart, he’ll tell his friend that he was using him as his alibi. Still, it might be wise to follow up with the other guy just to check your boyfriend was actually sleeping on his couch like he said he was.
“You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.” This lie could be used as a way to deflect an accusation or as a way to avoid getting dumped after you discover he’s cheating on you. Either way, it’s a statement that’s laced with insincerity if it comes from a partner who’s anything but faithful. Obviously, it’s a nice thing to hear, but if it comes from a confirmed cheater, you shouldn’t believe it.
“I’m not pulling away from you.” This is an obvious lie because a guy wouldn’t have to say it if he wasn’t becoming more distant. If it seems your BF is backing off and there isn’t a good reason for it, there’s a good chance he’s seeing someone else on the side who’s occupying his time and attention. If you accuse him of pulling away from you and he insists that he’s not, he’s probably just trying to calm any suspicion that he’s cheating on you.
“I’ll be too busy to text back.” Unless you’re driving or in a high-level government meeting, people are rarely too busy to send a quick message. If your boyfriend tells before he goes somewhere that he’ll be too busy to text you back, it really means he doesn’t want to be disturbed while he’s with another woman. Unless he has a good reason not to, he can take 10 seconds away from whatever he’s doing to get in touch.
“It only happened once.” Ah, the classic situation in which he’s been caught but tries to convince you it’s only a one-time thing that will never happen again. To be fair, there may be rare occasions when this is true, but if you have proof that your partner cheated on you, odds are that wasn’t the only time. He thinks that admitting to making a mistake just one time will earn him a second chance. However, the chances that he’s never done it before and will never do it again are slim, so this is a lie you should not believe.
“On my mother’s grave, I would never cheat on you.” With this one, he knows you’re close to finding out that he’s cheating, so he’s bringing out the big guns. Whenever people swear on their mother’s grave that they didn’t do something, it usually means they’re lying but feel like if they say something outlandish, people will believe them. If he raises his voice at all when he says this, it means he’s trying extra hard to convince you of this lie.
“She’s just a co-worker.” It’s common for people to have affairs with people they work with, so re-iterating that someone is just a co-worker seems like a good way to deflect suspicion. However, you should know already that the person in question is a co-worker, so this sentence provides no new information whatsoever. Plus, if you think your boyfriend and his “co-worker” are so close that you suspect he’s cheating on you with her, he should probably refer to her as a friend. If he wants to downgrade their relationship to ease your concern, something fishy is probably going on.
“She actually has a boyfriend.” This is another instance in which you’ve pinpointed “the other woman” and are asking your boyfriend about her. He thinks that by telling you she has a boyfriend, you’ll drop your suspicions. It’s a clever tactic but one you shouldn’t be so quick to believe. Even if this other woman has a boyfriend too, it doesn’t mean she’s not also cheating on him.
“Maybe you’re cheating on me.” Last but not least, there’s this classic line. He knows you’re not cheating on him but he can think of no other way to take the attention off himself. He also knows that you suspect he’s cheating on you but that you have no conclusive evidence to prove it. If he can accuse you of cheating, he’ll get to be mad at you and make you feel bad for accusing him. This tactic isn’t so clever, so don’t fall for it. It’s like a murder suspect accusing the detective of being the murderer; it makes things interesting but it’s rarely going to be true.
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