Now That I Live With My Boyfriend, I Feel More Like His Mom Than His Girlfriend

When I moved in with my boyfriend, I pictured us sinking happily into domestic bliss. We’d cook meals together, split the chores evenly, and create a space we both loved coming home to at the end of the night. Unfortunately, the complete opposite has happened and I seem to have gone from being his girlfriend to his mother. WTF?

He thinks paying half of the rent is enough of a contribution. Both of our names are on the lease and we split our monthly rent costs 50/50. That’s a start when you’re sharing a home with a partner but it’s certainly not the end of the discussion. For my boyfriend, however, that’s it. He thinks because he pays for half of our house that that’s enough and he’s off the hook for the actual upkeep of the place.

If I don’t cook, we don’t eat (or we get takeout). We both work full-time and sometimes we come home feeling exhausted and just wanting to veg out on the couch. That happens to everyone so no shade there. However, while I try to eat well and manage to get into the kitchen to cook at least 3-4 nights a week, my boyfriend doesn’t make the same effort. If I don’t make a move to cook us dinner, we either don’t eat (he has a cupboard full of chips and junk food that he’ll munch on instead) or, if I actually mention that I’m getting hungry, he suggests we order a pizza. That’s OK sometimes but he’s never once offered to get off his butt and cook us a meal.

He never washes dishes. When I’m the one cooking for us, it seems like a fair compromise would be him doing the dishes, right? Apparently not to him. I’ve literally gone to get a shower and relax in the bedroom sometimes at night and woken up the next morning to a sink full of dirty dishes—not to mention more of his piled up from all of his late night snacking.

He has the nerve to ask me why his clothes haven’t been washed. I don’t mind throwing both of our dirty laundry in the washer when I’m doing a load, especially if he actually gets his stuff in the hamper, but when he leaves it lying around everywhere and I just go on and wash my own clothes, he gets annoyed that I haven’t gone around to collect his stuff and made sure that was clean too. You know, because he’s a child who’s incapable of walking his dirty clothes to the washer.

I’ve literally seen him look at the overflowing trash can and walk away. We live in an apartment building that has a trash chute literally right around the corner. I often take the trash out when I see the bag getting full but I don’t think my boyfriend has ever done it. I’ve literally seen him look straight at the overflowing bag and just shrug and walk away. He’s not bothered by it at all, even when it starts to smell. Fine, I guess I’ll take care of that too…

He gets defensive when I get angry. When I actually mention to him that it would be nice to have some help around the house, he gets pissed off and acts like I’m being unreasonable. After all, if I just told him what I wanted him to do, he would do it, but I don’t do that so it’s my own fault apparently that he can’t pitch in like a normal adult who also lives there.

He expects me to tell him what to do. When we’ve had the arguments about his lack of contribution to our house, he’s literally turned around and told me that I should write him a list of chores to do so that he knows what needs to be done. Um, what? Does he not have eyes? Why should I have to literally tell him to stop being a lazy jerk and start pitching in on keeping our place clean and tidy? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

He acts like a helpless child. My boyfriend and I were together for two years before we moved in together and I swear I never saw any signs of this behavior before we shared a place. He lived with a couple guy friends and sure, their place was messy from time to time, but I assumed he helped with straightening up when it needed doing. I never thought I’d start to feel more like his mother than his girlfriend and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

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