I’m Looking For Love, But I Refuse To Take Part In These Dating Rituals

These days, there are a ton of questionable unwritten rules, practices, and rituals to the dating game that I’m just not down with. They might be pretty much common practice, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to participate. I’m looking for love, but I’ll be skipping these 10 dating rituals altogether:

  1. Having casual sex. If you’re into that, then by all means, go for it, but that’s not what I want and that doesn’t make me a prude. Sex means something to me and it always will. I don’t want meaningless sex; I want a real connection. I want love, and I’m not going to waste time with someone if I’m not interested in something more. Casual sex just isn’t for me.
  2. Waiting three days to text a guy. Or call or whatever. I’m not into time limits. I’m going to do what I want when I want. That’s how I choose to live my life and if that scares some guys off then so be it — if he scares that easy then he’s just not the right guy for me.
  3. Complaining about being single. Just because I’m “alone” in the romantic sense doesn’t mean I need to be stuck in a depressing state of loneliness. Single life means having my freedom. I love my life no matter what my relationship status. I still have my friends and my family and they bring joy to my life every single day. I don’t need a guy to make me happy and I never will.
  4. Blaming myself for the fact that I’m single. Sure, I played a part in my failed relationships, but those failures weren’t entirely my fault. I’m not going to sit around scolding myself any more than I’m going to sit around playing the victim. I’ve made mistakes and the men I’ve been with have made mistakes, but instead of constantly laying blame, I’m going to choose to learn from them.
  5. Hating all men just because a few bad eggs wronged me. There are still good guys left. I can’t hate an entire gender just because a few jerks put some cracks in my heart. I wouldn’t want to be persecuted for every woman who’s treated a man poorly, would I? Some men have treated me like crap, but that doesn’t mean they all will, and I just have to keep searching for the good man I deserve.
  6. Trying to change a man. For some girls, this seems to be their lifelong dream, but not me. I don’t want to spend my days trying to magically poof one of the bad boys into the good guys. It might happen in the movies, but it’s not attainable in real life. Women can’t change men. They have to want to change themselves. So instead of wasting my time on a guy who couldn’t care less, I’m choosing to date men who already deserve me.
  7. Waiting for a guy to make the first move. As a woman, I too have a right to pursue my happiness, and that includes pursuing a man if I choose. I don’t want to wait around on some guy’s time clock. I’m not wasting another second being too scared to go after what I want. If I’m ever going to find true love, I have to be willing to go out there and get it.
  8. Competing with other women for a man’s heart. If that’s the true dating game then I don’t want to play. I don’t want to have to push other women out of the way to claim my prize. If a man wants to pit me against another woman, then he can have her, because love shouldn’t be a competition. You’re either right for each other or you’re wrong, and no other players should be a factor.
  9. Relating my self-worth to my relationship status. The fact that I’m single doesn’t make me worthless. I’d never let my confidence depend on a man like that. I want a guy but I don’t need one — not to give my life meaning or feel good about myself. I’m a great girl regardless of whether or not I’m in a relationship at any given moment. If I end up alone, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a catch. It just means no guy ever caught me.
  10. Giving up sex on the third date. I don’t know who came up with this third date “rule,” but I won’t be following it. I’ll have sex when I’m good and ready and I don’t need society to tell me when that will be. Any make who just expects me to “give it up” on the third date is not the right man for me. This might be an unwritten dating rule, but I’ll skip any BS rule I please.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.