I Lost The Love Of My Life & Still Managed To Move On

Every woman has someone who will always be That Boyfriend: the one you compare everyone to and miss even when you try your best not to. For me, that guy was my first love, and while it took a while, I can finally say that he’s no longer in my mind, thoughts or heart. Here’s how I moved on:

  1. I forgot about dating. Okay, I liked some guys here and there, but when nothing happened, I didn’t care. I wanted to be single while I got over my ex. Sometimes, focusing on anything but love and dating can be a really good idea. Once I knew I was fully over him, I was totally fine jumping back in.
  2. I cut him out of my life. I’m not into being friends with ex-boyfriends, especially not someone who caused more hurt and heartbreak than anything else at the end. My ex has creeped up over the years by trying to friend me on Facebook and sending me messages. At first, I answered and made it super clear I wasn’t interested in chatting. And then I ignored him altogether, and things became a lot easier.
  3. I learned some hard truths. It really sucked to realize that loving someone doesn’t mean it’s going to work out. It sucked even more to realize that the only guy I ever loved needed to be on a path that had nothing to do with me. Figuring that out made it easy to take a deep breath and move on.
  4. I stopped blaming him. Sometimes it takes two to ruin a love story, and other times, it’s no one’s fault. Once I got over the idea that he did something wrong, it was easy to forgive and forget. What was I going to do — spend the rest of my life pissed off at him?
  5. I got my act together. After a few months of feeling sorry for myself, I picked myself up and forced my life back together. I stopped thinking about him all the time. I found other things to focus on. I grew up. It made me a better person, and I even became grateful for the bad breakup.
  6. I followed my dreams. It’s amazing how starting your career can totally distract you from heartbreak and end up being just as fulfilling as falling in love. I think anyone getting over someone needs to channel that energy into working hard.
  7. I remembered the good stuff. It’s pretty normal to walk away feeling like everything good had just been totally ruined by the breakup. Instead, I remembered the good parts: the reasons why I loved this guy in the first place and the emotions that I wanted to take with me.
  8. I let go of the bad. On the other hand, I also had to remember when things were horrible, or I’d never be able to really move on. There isn’t a single relationship that doesn’t have its fair share of ups and downs, and sometimes it’s good to dwell in the bad for a little while before finally releasing it.
  9. I kept believing in love. It’s super easy to think that the end of one instance of love proves that a new love can never exist. I never let myself feel that way. I got over the one that got away by believing in love no matter what. I had it once, and I knew I could have it again.
  10. I stayed focused. I had my moments of crying in bathrooms and wondering if I would ever love someone as much as I loved this guy. Happens to everyone, right? But ultimately, I stayed strong, which is my best break-up advice. It didn’t matter how much my ex reached out to me or what he wanted; it just mattered that I needed to get over him. And in the end, that’s just what I did.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.