I Lost Myself In My Feelings For Him & I’ll Never Let It Happen Again

All my morals went out of the window when I met a new guy from work who was already in a relationship and living with his partner. I was completely in awe of him and ended up acting in a way that wasn’t me.

1. We had instant chemistry.The day we met was surreal. I’d never felt an immediate connection with someone like that before. We went from strangers to best friends in a matter of minutes. Even though he was good-looking and I usually lose the ability to speak coherently in front of hot guys, we talked like we’d known each other for years. It was amazing.
2. We had a ton in common. Even though he was older than me and came from a completely different background, we just clicked. We had the same interests, likes and dislikes, and very similar personalities. We both basically made a joke out of everything, which made him very fun to be around. 
3. I couldn’t help but like him. I knew that he already had a girlfriend—he’d been open and honest with me about that from the start. However, it didn’t stop me from fancying the pants off him. I knew he was off limits and respected his situation, but it didn’t mean that I couldn’t talk to him and get to know him more. 
4. We kept seeing each other at work. After the night we met, we kept randomly bumping into each other at work. Each time, we’d laugh, we’d flirt, and I honestly felt like he could feel the spark between us just as much I could. When we were together, it was electric. I saw fireworks and rainbows, had butterflies, and all that good stuff! 
5. The infatuation grew. As time wore on, I started to like him more and more. The weird thing was that it seemed to be reciprocated. I noticed how he would stare at me when he thought I wasn’t looking and go out of his way to gently touch my arm mid-conversation. It’s usually pretty easy to tell if someone is into you romantically and with him, I honestly thought that he returned my feelings.
6. He got my number. It wasn’t long before he found an excuse to get my number “for work purposes” and we started texting. The messages started innocently enough at first, but then correspondence via WhatsApp soon became correspondence via Snapchat and things took a very flirty turn.
7. I knew what we were doing was wrong. I mean, he had a serious long-term partner, but we both seemed to be drawn to each other like a moth to a flame. If one of us didn’t message the other back, it would drive the other one crazy and we’d end up double texting each other. We had to have continuous conversation or it didn’t feel right.
8. We started meeting up. Of course, when we saw each other, it had to be in secret—not just because of his GF but because of work too. Employee relationships were frowned upon, and the secrecy of it all actually made our meet-ups even more thrilling. We both knew that we were forbidden fruit, which only made us want each other even more.
9. Things got out of control. The more time and energy he gave me, the more I expected. It got to a point where he promised me that he would end his current relationship to start one with me. However, he never followed through. Then he started becoming flaky by making and breaking plans with me on a regular basis. It hurt and I didn’t know what was going on.
10. The novelty wore off. After a while, the novelty of our situation seemed to have worn off and we didn’t want to play the same old game anymore. I’m not sure if we became too aware of how badly we were behaving or we realized that it was never going anywhere—perhaps a mixture of both—but things soon cooled off. I was upset but deep down, I knew that it was for the best.
11. I became someone I didn’t recognize or like. I became “that girl” who gets involved with someone who already has a partner and I hated myself for it. I swore to myself I would never be “that girl” as I’d been cheated on in previous relationships and I was extremely disappointed in myself. What was I thinking? I honestly don’t know.
12. I saw it as a learning curve. The whole experience made me realize that it’s pointless getting involved with someone who’s already with someone else. Not only do you feel like a jerk, but the guy in question will also never leave his partner. You’re just a bit of fun to him. It sucked but I’m honestly so glad that things between us fizzled out when they did before they could get any worse. Lesson learned.