Why You Should Never Settle For Being A Side Chick

Getting involved with someone who’s already in a relationship is not ideal, and that’s putting it lightly. You’re looking for a full-time boyfriend, but he’s already fulfilling that role in someone else’s life, which means you’re always going to be on the back burner. In case it wasn’t obvious, here’s why you should never settle for being a side chick.

  1. You’re the girl that other girls hate. Being a woman means that you’re part of a sisterhood. There are some things we should never put each other through. Yes, you’re single. Yes, the guy is at fault, too. But karma’s a bitch. Plus, wouldn’t want another girl sneaking around with your boyfriend, would you?
  2. If all you’re getting out of the deal is sex, you have better options. Seriously, this is the golden age of casual hookups. There are so many more stress-free options to finding someone to screw your brains out. Or, even to hold you for the night, if that’s what you’re into.
  3. You’re enabling bad behavior. Guys do this only because they can get away with it. When you settle for being a side chick, you tell them that’s just fine. As women, we need to keep our expectations high and make clear that this behavior is not acceptable.
  4. It’s highly unlikely that you’re ever going to be promoted to girlfriend. Sure, the fact that his relationship is in such poor shape that he’s cheating means that it probably won’t last very long. But even if he does break up with his girlfriend, don’t count on him running into your arms when he does. More likely than not, he’ll have had his fill of drama from the breakup and will want to start fresh with somebody totally new.
  5. There are other, less dramatic ways to get a self-esteem boost. Seriously, if you’re looking for someone to tell you how hot you are, get an Instagram account or throw on your sexiest outfit and hit the club. Wouldn’t you rather stop the drama? You don’t have to settle for being a side chick to feel good about yourself.
  6. You deserve to be in a real relationship if you want to be. I don’t care who this guy is. He could be rich and famous or the guy you’ve been crushing on since middle school. If you want something he doesn’t, you’re automatically incompatible. You might seem happy to be in his rotation now, but you’ll never really be fulfilled.
  7. This guy isn’t going to do any of the boyfriend duties. When you’re officially with someone, you immediately have a date to events like your cousin’s wedding and the movies over the weekend. Without the title, this guy doesn’t owe you anything. Even worse, you may feel weird asking someone else to go with you since you’ll feel like you’re cheating. (You’re not, by the way.)
  8. Being a side chick will make you insecure. If this guy has actual girlfriends filtering in and out, you’ll keep wondering what they have that you don’t. It’s bound to make anyone jealous. Remember, unless these other girls do something openly to make you feel bad about yourself, they’re not the enemy. They’re just into this guy’s charm the same way you are. And if they’re actively in a relationship with him and he keeps saying they’ll break up soon, just know he’s lying to you. He’s sleeping with at least two girls right now, why would he change that?
  9. You can’t flaunt your relationship on social media. Maybe you can post a group picture or two, but cute selfies are pretty much off-limits in a side chick arrangement. If he’s dating someone else, they’ll get very suspicious (as they should) if the two of you are posting somewhat intimate photos online of each other.
  10. What you’re doing is pretty cruel. Sometimes a side chick is a girl who a guy seeks out when he’s in-between actual relationships. That’s one thing. But way more often, he’s married or in a committed relationship and is using you to cheat. That means that you’re in a position in which you’re actively hurting someone else. Regardless of the horrible things you’ve heard about their significant other, cheating is cheating.
  11. If you’re found out, you’ll get a lot of the blame. Really, he should be the one people blame—he’s the one who agreed to be in a committed relationship with someone else—but you’ll also get a few bad words tossed your way. Yeah, you should have known better than to get into a relationship with a taken man. But, do you really need this extra pressure in your life? There are so many people out there who’d have no problem committing to you—and just you.
  12. He doesn’t love you the way he says he does. If he has dropped the L-bomb, just know it was a method in order for you to agree to this arrangement. If the two of you were both madly in love with each other, he’d have no problem with properly ditching his other relationship and making it official. He’s not. Ever wonder why? It’s because he can see a “right now” with you. However, he can’t see a future with you.
  13. Side chicks are set up to fail. When you settle for being a side chick, this is just the harsh truth. Think about it. You don’t get the security of the relationship, you’re easy to blame, and you’re going to be left more alone than ever when things eventually fizzle—and trust me, they will. Either he’ll find a new side chick who’s more exciting or his girlfriend or wife will uncover the truth and try to ruin your life. Any pleasure you’re getting out of this situation will be short-lived.
  14. You deserve a lot more respect than this. Stop selling yourself short. You shouldn’t have to go on secret dates. Nor should you spend your time out worrying whether or not a mutual acquaintance will spot you with someone else’s guy. These are things you shouldn’t even have to deal with. Break things off now before they get too messy. Instead, go find someone who’s looking for the same things you are, namely exclusivity.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill