I’m proud of my college and post-graduate education, but my intelligence seems to work against me in the dating world because some guys just can’t handle it.
They question my intelligence. You know when you tell a guy you like sports and they question you with every meaningless stat line or irrelevant facts about a specific player? “You like football? What’s the quarterback’s girlfriend’s dog’s blood type?” Same thing happens when you mention your degrees. I’m constantly having to prove that I know what I’m doing regardless of my education level. Even worse, I’m mansplained by guys who have no business or expertise in the subject matter.
So many of them are extremely insecure. “Not all guys…” Don’t give me that BS—as soon as a guy hears about my education, you can visibly see the pang of insecurity in his face. I can even read it in a text response when a guy is clearly intimidated by my accomplishments. If they aren’t impressed or turned on by intelligence, they aren’t worth my time anyway.
Intelligence becomes a competition. I’ve had several conversations that suddenly turned into a contest on who was smarter about a subject or who knows more about XYZ than the other. Don’t get me wrong, healthy challenges are great when you’re challenging how someone thinks or trying to share different viewpoints. When it turns into a pissing contest, though, it really isn’t worth anyone’s time.
I question their intelligence and therefore their future. My intelligence is a double-edged sword. If I discover I’m smarter than the guy I’m talking to, it’s an automatic turn-off. Something as simple as a text with the wrong use of the word “your/you’re” or “there/their/they’re” is a huge red flag. Little things go a long way. So do the big ones like education and career. If he doesn’t potentially have a successful future in his career, he isn’t going to be worth my time. I’m looking for someone who’s just as passionate and ambitious about work as I am.
I’m prepared to be the breadwinner. My education has set me up for a high paying job. It also means that unless I’m dating someone in the same profession as me, I have a higher chance of bringing in more money than him. This is often a site of insecurity for a guy because our society has constructed the belief that guys are the moneymakers. I got this education to help smash that perception. If a guy isn’t able to accept that about me, he can see himself out.
Education and work are important to me. I take what I do seriously and that means I’m constantly working to get ahead in my job and learning new things. These things are a priority and sometimes it means I forego social activities so I can get ahead. The guys I date often question my priorities, especially when they don’t have the same ambition as I do.
I work in a male-dominated field. Because I work in the IT world, I’m severely outnumbered by males. This leads to more questioning and insecurity, which makes me have to work harder just to prove myself. This is another reason I have to pass on social activities. Some guys once again just don’t understand this.
I won’t downplay my accomplishments. I spent some time pretending I wasn’t smart or accomplished to hopefully get attention from guys (and other people around me). Now there’s no hiding from the degree and job title plastered to my name. It’s something I’m proud of and I’m not going to change my perception of it just to make someone feel better.
Confidence is sexy. I’m ambitious and driven in life which often is considered intimidating. But just as body confidence is sexy, so is brain confidence. I worked my butt off to get an education in something I care about. I challenged myself intellectually to make it to this point in life. You better believe I’m going to be proud of those accomplishments. I want to be able to share those things with someone, especially when I can reciprocate with someone who is passionate about their job as well.
I love what I do. I chose my education and job because it is something I love. When people question my dedication to my career, they question my intelligence. I’ve chosen a career that I’m passionate about and I only look to have relationships that reflect the same passion. I’m proud of how smart I am and the potential to continue learning. Bringing people into my life that support that and will share in the excitement of my accomplishments is necessary.
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