Love Lessons You Should Have Learned The First Time, But Didn’t

Love Lessons You Should Have Learned The First Time, But Didn’t ©iStock/PeopleImages

We tend to repeat scenarios over and over until we learn the lessons that are being presented to us, which is totally fine — it’s how we’re wired. Have you ever seen a kid grab something hot even though they were sufficiently warned that it would burn them? Yep, it’s like that. The thing is, we’re not children, and there are some love lessons that we really don’t need to be suffering through, especially since we should have learned the first time around.

  1. Women can’t change men. He might change when he’s ready to change for a woman, but we certainly don’t need to stick around and be mistreated while we wait for him to get his act together.
  2. If he wants us, he will call. He didn’t lose your number after you guys spent the afternoon making out at a music festival. He just hasn’t used it.
  3. You should break up with someone as soon as it starts to feel wrong. Sometimes we drag things out to avoid confrontation, which usually only results in more hurt feelings down the line. And yet, avoiding “The Talk” is still so appealing…
  4. Heartbreak doesn’t last. In the throes of it, heartbreak is all-consuming and devastating, and for some reason, we always forget that eventually that stops and life goes on as usual.
  5. Overthinking doesn’t do much. Imagine the hours you’ve spent overanalyzing first dates immediately after they end, even though we know that doesn’t affect what comes next. Don’t bother wasting your time — seriously.
  6. You’re awesome. We take breakups and let downs so damn personally, taking on negative feelings about ourselves that just aren’t the reality. You should know better than that. Unless you’ve cheated or done something terrible to your partner, you certainly shouldn’t be blaming yourself for the end of a relationship.
  7. Telling the truth works out better. Getting caught in a lie can shatter a relationship and just makes you a crappy person, especially if it’s about something serious. Why would you ever open up your life to all that drama all over again?
  8. People will lie for weird reasons. It’s shocking to be blindsided by someone you trusted, but people lie about strange things sometimes, and it’s not always personal. It’s up to you to decide what’s excusable and what isn’t — everyone has their limits.
  9. Some relationships are temporary. If you knew you weren’t going to marry the guy, why were you surprised that the relationship went down in flames? Not every relationship has to have potential to be permanent to be valuable (and a lot of fun) while it lasts.
  10. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal. If you’ve been the cheater or the other woman, you probably know it’s a terrible decision that not only destroys the relationship, but also the other person’s ability to trust. Once was more than enough.
  11. You can’t force a relationship. You know that relationships are supposed to be come about with a certain amount of ease, and yet sometimes you just can’t give up that control or stop putting in effort that isn’t doing any good.
  12. It’s okay to be vulnerable. You tried it… and then you built up some walls to protect yourself again, even though you know that doesn’t actually help, anyway.
  13. Treating people like crap will push them away. Sometimes you know that your behavior isn’t great and you just can’t stop…but you should.
  14. You have boundaries, and they’re firm. You stood up for yourself and left a guy who wouldn’t commit… and then started dating another guy who wouldn’t, either. You know what you want, so don’t accept anything less.
  15. You should be learning your lessons faster. After dating four versions of the same type of jerk guy in a row, you’re pretty aware of where you might be making a mistake. If only you had realized after the first one!
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog