You shouldn’t spend all of your nights crying over your awful boyfriend. He’s meant to make your life easier, after all. If he’s doing the opposite, then you’re stuck in an unhealthy relationship. The right guy would never purposely do things to make you cry. If he does, you need to get away from him as soon as possible.
Why a decent guy would never do things to make you cry
Your happiness is his happiness. While you should never be so tied to another person’s emotional state that you can’t feel independently, when you care about someone, you become both more sympathetic and empathetic towards them. Therefore, when you’re happy, he’s happy. When you’re upset, he automatically wants to do everything he can to fix the situation. If he’s doing things to make you cry, he obviously doesn’t give a damn.
He doesn’t need to cause drama to keep the passion alive. If you’re dating a douchebag, he’ll initiate fights to watch you get upset because your intense emotions will prove that you care about him. Of course, the right guy won’t need to do things to make you cry to realize that you love him and to keep your relationship fresh. In fact, this kinda accomplishes the exact opposite.
He wants the relationship to last. Some men can be pretty stupid, but they’re all smart enough to know that treating you like crap is an easy way to ruin the relationship. If he wants to be with you forever, then he won’t do things to make you cry on a daily basis. If you’re miserable, there’s no way you’re ever going to stay with him, so if he wants to keep you, he’ll act like.
He’d rather cause happy tears. If he does things to make you cry, they should be tears of joy. You should be getting emotional over how happy you are to have a good guy like him instead of feeling upset about the terrible way he treats you. The tears that result when he pulls out all the stops for a romantic gesture or to help you with something you were struggling with are the best feelings ever.
He chooses his words carefully. The right guy won’t call you nasty names. He has enough maturity and sensitivity to think before he speaks and to recognize that just because he might be angry or frustrated in the moment, he won’t always feel that way and shouldn’t say or do things he’ll only regret in the long run.
He actually trusts you. One of the worst and most common things guys do to make you (and women in general) cry is flirting with other women or even cheating and then blaming you for their betrayal. Oftentimes, they accuse you of being the unfaithful one in order to justify their actions. Doing things like this to make you cry just doesn’t happen with a decent guy. He trusts you and gives you every reason to trust him.
He focuses on more positive emotions. Sadness is the last emotion your boyfriend should make you feel. There are so many other options, like happiness and horniness, that he should focus on instead. He’s focused on doing things to make you feel head over heels in love with him, not to make you cry and wish you’d never met him.
He’d feel guilty for hurting you. The right guy wouldn’t get any pleasure out of getting a rise out of you or doing things to make you cry. All he’d feel is guilt because his mission is to make you as happy as humanly possible. Knowing that he’d upset you, inadvertently or otherwise, is a horrifying idea and he wants no part of it.
He knows you too well. If he knows you well, then he knows what type of comments upset you the most. That means he also knows the things he shouldn’t do if he doesn’t want to make you cry or to embarrass, upset, or piss you off. More than that, because he actually cares about you, he pays attention to your boundaries and expectations and respects them.
He wants to be a source of comfort rather than pain. Truthfully, even the best guy in the world will do things to make you cry every now and again. However, whenever that happens, he’ll do his best to comfort you because he’d rather see your smile than your frown. It’s just that simple.
What to do when you’re dating a guy who regularly makes you cry
Accept the dysfunctional dynamics in your relationship. A guy who does things to make you cry not only doesn’t care about you, but he’s purposely trying to break you down. “While a healthy relationship is based on equality and respect, an unhealthy or toxic one is about power and control,” explains therapist Katarena Arger, MFT. However, you can’t change the circumstances of your life or relationship until you understand and accept what’s actually happening.
Lean on your support system. Hopefully, you have a caring family and a solid group of friends who are there for you and who will have your back when you put an end to your relationship. Chances are, even though you know this guy is a no-good loser who does things to make you cry, you’ll still feel a variety of emotions including sadness and regret when it ends. The people in your life who love you will help pick you up when you fall and remind you of who you were before you met him.
Make a commitment to yourself. Being in a relationship with a guy who does things to make you cry and who treats you like crap can have a terrible effect not only on your mental health but your physical health too. “A toxic relationship is one that adversely impacts a person’s health and well-being,” says Dr. Kelly Campbell, an associate professor of psychology and human development at California State University, San Bernardino. “Because we spend so much of our time and energy on a romantic partner, these relationships are especially influential on our well-being. When they are going well, we are usually doing well. But when they are not going well, our health and happiness will likely be negatively affected.” Commit to walking away from this guy so that you can love and honor yourself in the way you deserve.
Cut off all contact. Once you put an end to the relationship, there’s every chance that the guy will continue to try and do things to make you cry, such as manipulating you, guilt-tripping you, or even blaming you for what went wrong. That’s why it’s important to go no-contact and stick to it. “Continuous exchanges can prolong the healing process. Sometimes it is impossible to cut off all communication, such as when children are involved. In those cases, keep the communication direct and minimal—discuss what you must and nothing more,” advises Dr. Campbell. “After some time has passed, if both people heal and change their ways, a friendship may be possible. But right after a breakup, don’t try to be friends, and definitely don’t engage in any flirting or sexual activity with the person.” Then again, the fact that he treated you poorly probably means you should never talk to him again.
Do some work on yourself before getting back into the dating world. While being treated badly by a guy you dated is never your fault, toxic relationships like that can have the benefit of teaching you valuable lessons about how to spot red flags, how to set and enforce boundaries, and generally how to avoid guys who would do things to make you cry in the first place. Don’t feel bad about seeking therapy if it helps. This is your life, after all. You deserve the best!