By the time you get to a point in a relationship where you’re ready to marry the other person, you probably feel like you know all the important things there is to know about your future spouse. A guy on Reddit certainly did, which is why he was left feeling absolutely outraged after discovering that his wife of more than 20 years went on a date with his brother a few weeks before the husband himself began dating her.
- The man is trying to reconcile his feelings. While it seems that the wife and the man’s brother went on a couple of dates that (obviously) didn’t go anywhere, the fact that he didn’t know is a big deal. “My (50 ish m) wife (50 ish f) has been married 20+ years. My brother’s (45-ish m) wife (45-ish f) recently disclosed at a family dinner that my brother had a date(s) with my wife several weeks before we started dating. I never knew,” he wrote Reddit’s AITA sub. “They kept it a secret all these years. I realize it is ancient history, but we have had our marriage issues like every couple over the years.”
- Everyone else in his family knew but him. In many ways, it seems as if the man is really struggling with a bruise to his ego since he’s the only person who didn’t know about this date. “I feel pain, violated, and almost irrationally angry that this ‘secret’ was common knowledge in my family, but I was clueless,” he explained.
- His brother’s current wife has implied that the man’s wife and his brother had slept together. Despite going on a very casual date and not being involved in a relationship, the husband believes that the two had sex at some point, and that’s what’s pushing him over the edge.
- The man is thinking of ending his marriage and his relationship with his family over this. “My wife and I already sleep apart. I am thinking of ending it with her over this,” he wrote. “I was a fool for half my life to everyone close to me. I feel like they are all [expletives]. From my parents (who said they thought I knew) to my siblings who all knew, I want no contact (at least for a while).”
- Many people sided with the man. They understood how embarrassed he must feel to discover this now and admitted it sucked. As one person pointed out, “The whole family disrespected you and made you feel like a fool. Don’t let them try to minimize your feelings. It’s not one lie from 20 years ago. It’s hundreds of lies by omission at every holiday, every wedding, every funeral, every family dinner.”
- However, others urged the man to look a bit deeper into his feelings. While they didn’t blame him for being upset, one commenter said he should think about what exactly he’s upset about here. “I think you need to determine if you are upset that they didn’t tell you, or upset that she potentially slept with your brother prior to you dating 20 years ago,” they suggested. “You’re NTA for being upset regardless, but figuring out the ‘why’ will help you move forward from here. Don’t be so quick to throw 20+ years of marriage down the drain.”