Mixed Signals Won’t Make Me Like You More, Dude, They’ll Make Me Walk Away

I’m a woman who likes consistency—in fact, I need it, especially in relationships. I understand that toward the beginning, butterflies are part of the excitement, but as things continue, I want to know my place. If I’m getting mixed signals from a guy, I’m strong enough to walk away.

  1. I’m not here just to give him attention. Half the time when I’m in the middle of the hot and cold game, I notice it’s because the guy just wants to know I’m still there. I’ve been with guys that have even been upfront about the fact that they like attention from women. Chances are if they’re doing this with me, they’re doing this with others and that’s not something I’m going to wait around for. I deserve someone that’s in it for me and only me.
  2. It clearly shows they’re not looking for anything long-term. I’ve been in the position myself where I’m just looking for someone to have fun with and maybe go on a couple of dates, so I get that there are dudes with that mindset as well. As of now, though, I’m ready for a real commitment and when I find someone that doesn’t seem to be on that same page, I’d rather not waste my time. If he doesn’t have the ability to focus enough to get to know me, I really need to move on.
  3. I don’t like being the second choice. Relationships are often about putting the other person’s needs before your own. The last thing I want is to be the backup if my date’s first choice girl cancels last minute. Maybe he isn’t sure which one of us he wants to date? Do I really deserve to sit there and be “chosen”? No! At that point, the dude can have the other girl—I don’t want to deal with that.
  4. It completely drives me crazy, and I’m crazy enough as it is. I already have about a million things going on in my brain at a given time—I don’t want the added pressure of a guy not knowing if he wants to be with me or not to add to it. I like certainty and that’s what keeps my own mind calm. I’m upfront about this, so if after I speak up a guy is still trying to send me mixed signals, that shows he has no regard for my feelings at all and we definitely shouldn’t be together.
  5. There are times I have to make pro/con lists, and there’s no shame in that. Since I can’t always be trusted to rely on my mind and my emotions, I’ve taken to paper and written down the pros and cons of the guy in question. This helps me get my priorities in line and see a clearer picture of what I’m dealing with, all at once. It can be somewhat overwhelming but it really helps me view if I’m wasting my time or if this is the kind of relationship that may be worth hanging around for. I’ve found that the majority of the time if there is any confusion involved at all, it’s one I need to get over.
  6. I need to try and be rational. Even with all the overanalyzing I do, I can try and justify to the end of the earth why I don’t want to let the confusing guy go. That’s when I have to call in some reinforcement and talk about it with someone close to me that knows how I work. Oftentimes a good friend can point out the truth that I’m choosing to ignore and no matter how much I don’t want to hear it, I know I need to—and usually, they’re right.
  7. When in doubt, I go with my gut. I’ve rarely found a case where my gut feeling hasn’t always been right in the long run. Even if I don’t think walking away is best, I do it anyway because all other signs point to it being the right decision, I discover later that it’s the best thing I could have done for myself. Your gut speaks the truth, and I’ve learned to try and always listen to mine, no matter how much I don’t want to.
  8. If a guy is into me, there won’t be any mixed signals, plain and simple. That should be the number one reason for me to avoid anyone that tries to play games. If he’s into me, he’ll let me know. He’ll call, he’ll engage, and he won’t leave me hanging without a legitimate reason. It’s such a simple concept though I often ignore it because I get inside my head and overanalyze EVERYTHING. It’s unhealthy and I’m over it. I deserve to not have confusion in my relationship. I deserve someone that actually wants to be with me.
jordan is a writer from salt lake city who enjoys a good steak, her dog, and conversations about how radiohead is awesome. she hopes to be a talking head on some VH1 pop-culture show someday and can curate a playlist for any occasion. when she grows up she wants to be an olsen twin.