I’ve had loads of guy friends my whole life. They’re a welcome part of my social circle and I really value our friendships. However, I’m getting pretty sick of having all my guy friends catch romantic feelings for me even though I’ve made it clear we’re strictly platonic from the beginning. It’s not just uncomfortable and disappointing, it’s obnoxious too. I’m starting to think maybe men and women can’t just be friends.
- My guy friends insist they’re happy just being friends. Many of them even claim that I’m like a sister to them and that we’re basically like family. I actually agree with that, which is why it’s always so jarring when, one by one, my guy friends catch feelings. It’s like all that crap about us being besties was a way of fooling me to let my guard down so they could make their move.
- They manage to maintain the facade for a while. How long they’re able to convince me (and themselves) that we’re just pals varies. I’ve had guy friends from high school tell me in my late 20s that they’re into me. Other guy friends only make it a couple of months before they catch feelings. That tells me we were never really friends at all — they were just using it was a way in. Regardless of how long they last, the mask always slips in the end.
- They make me feel like an idiot. I do firmly believe that men and women can be “just friends.” I’m friends with people based on who they are, not their gender. As a straight woman, I don’t automatically associate men with sex or romance. I certainly don’t have a romantic interest in every guy I meet. My guy friends are my friends because that’s our dynamic, so when they catch feelings, I feel gross. There’s nothing sexual there for me, so how can there be for them?
- When I say my guy friends “catch feelings,” I mean they want to have sex. That’s what it’s really about. They’re not making these heartfelt declarations of love and claiming that they’re head over heels for me. They’re not even proposing we date or embark on an actual romantic relationship together. Instead, their “feelings” are code for wanting to hook up. It’s no coincidence that they usually reveal their crushes when we’re drunk/they’re horny…
- I’ve literally had guy friends ditch me for dating someone. My girlfriends don’t stop talking to me when I’m in a relationship, so why do my guy friends? It doesn’t happen all the time, but I’ve had several platonic male friends ditch me and completely drop me from their lives just because I was dating someone else. It wasn’t until I broke up with that person that my so-called friends were interested in reconnecting. Needless to say, that doesn’t fly with me.
- They seem to think I’m desperate. One of the other really annoying things about this trend is their attitude. When my guy friends catch feelings for me, they’re really cocky when they tell me about it. They clearly expect me to respond positively and be into the idea, particularly if I’ve been single for a while. It’s like they think they’re doing me a favor by confessing to be attracted to me. They don’t seem to realize what a turn-off their cockiness is.
- I don’t even think they’re into me. Regardless of what they say, I don’t believe for a second that their feelings for me are real. I have a lot to offer a partner, sure. However, I’m not some super hot bombshell that guys can’t help but fawn over. In reality, it’s clear they just want to hook up and in their eyes, I’m the easy option. Lovely, eh?
- It always, always ruins the friendship. Whether or not they realize it (and they rarely ever do), when my guy friends try to redefine the terms of our relationship, it ends up ruining it. I can never see them in the same light again. Their approach feels sleazy, manipulative, and pretty gross. Everything I thought about them — how mature and evolved they were, etc. — goes out the window and they just become another in the long line of creepy guys.
