Sex has never been high on my list of priorities and I married a man who knew it. Still, after four years of marriage, our lackluster sex life began to affect the quality of our relationship and I started reading erotica online in hopes of giving myself a boost. I soon realized that the site I used also offered private messaging, and that’s when things got interesting.
It was simple to initiate.
As I read a particularly engaging story, a pop-up appeared on my screen. It was an invitation from another user asking if I’d like to talk. I wasn’t sure what to expect, so I did what any curious woman would do: I clicked “Accept.” The man on the other end didn’t hesitate. He immediately launched into a graphic description of what he’d do to me and it wasn’t long before I was responding. The more we wrote, the hotter I got. I was so wound up that I jumped my husband the second he walked through the door. He was so pleased that I was actually initiating sex that he didn’t question it.
I loved that I could reinvent myself every day.
After the first encounter, I began to crave more. I messaged people daily, sharing in their sexual fantasies. It was entirely anonymous; I could be a lonely housewife, powerful businesswoman, innocent virgin, dom or sub—anyone and everyone all at once. I’d have my fun with complete strangers then go at it with my husband each day. I’d found the perfect sexual balance.
It felt good to be desired.
What I loved most about sexting was how desirable I felt. No one could possibly know what I really looked like, but they wanted me regardless. They left messages on my profile page and sent little hints of what they’d do to me if given a chance. Everything was superficial, of course, which only made the experience better. Even if it was based on an illusion, I carried my newfound confidence and sexiness into reality.
I figured it wasn’t cheating since it was anonymous.
As controversial as it sounds, if your partner is fine with you watching porn, I feel like they should have no problem with anonymous sexting either. My husband and I are very open and we’re both fine with watching porn and using toys to masturbate, but just to make sure I was in the green, I asked how he’d feel if I called a phone sex line or sexted strangers. His immediate response was that he’d be fine with it. It was basically interactive porn; it was anonymous and neither party was in love, so there was no room for drama. He even encouraged it!
Even though he was theoretically OK with it, I still did it behind his back.
After our little conversation, I felt resolved of all guilt. He was fine with sexting, so I planned to continue my little habit. I hadn’t actually told him that I was already engaged in the act but he had given me the OK, so why worry? Still, I recognized that I only sexted others when my husband was out of the house. It began to eat at me and I started wondering how I’d feel if roles were reversed. The bottom line was clear: I was doing something behind his back, which led to me doubt myself. It also opened the possibility of him doubting the strength of our relationship.
I got caught… and it went better than I would’ve anticipated.
It should come as no surprise that he came home early one day to find me naked from the waist down with three chat windows open. Unsure how he’d respond, I simply stood in silence as he read each message. When he was finished, he looked up from the computer and said, “Damn, babe, this is hot.” He loved that I was engaging in fantasies with complete strangers and I apologized for failing to admit the truth when I had the chance. Thankfully, we talk out our issues, so he forgave my secrecy and asked that I be more transparent in the future.
Being discovered led to a more exciting sex life for us.
After our conversation, I noticed my husband was communicating more during sex. Instead of silently guiding me through what he wanted or responding to my demands, he started asking about my day. He wanted to know what fantasies I’d indulged in and he requested specific details. As I relayed the information, I noticed he was getting more aroused. It didn’t take long for us to replace dirty talk with the sexting encounters I’d participated in that day.
Him knowing about my sexting habits was such a turn-on.
When my spouse wasn’t home, I started sexting while considering what it would lead to later. After a few days, I noticed I was becoming aroused before logging into the site. I was so excited to see my husband that my body was already preparing for him! Days passed without using the site and my carnal desires continued to simmer just beneath the surface. I wanted my husband regardless of outside stimuli.
We played out some of our deepest fantasies.
Though I wasn’t engaging on the site as often, the wild ideas others had shared served as inspiration for my relationship. We began to turn some of the fantasies into realities and had an amazing time in the process. I began sexting my husband while he was away. I sent pictures, videos, and juicy messages, even if we were together and especially when we were in public. Our little games only got more kinky and exciting as time passed.
We delved deeper as a couple.
When I lost interest in sexting strangers, my husband thought it would be fun to try sexting other couples. We found a group chat on Kik and engaged in what amounted to a text message orgy. We’re still learning the ropes, but we’re involved with people who are open about their sexual kinks and offer exciting suggestions to keep the passion going. Of course, we understand sex is only part of a healthy relationship, but it’s a huge part that we were beginning to neglect. As backward as it sounds, sexting strangers rekindled my passion for my husband and kick-started my sex drive.
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