I’ve Never Been Abandoned, So Why Do I Still Fear It?

There’s nothing in my past that would explain the fear of abandonment I experience when in a relationship but it exists nonetheless. Here’s why the idea of someone leaving me is still something I deeply fear.

  1. I don’t get into a relationship if I don’t see a future together. I don’t just get attached to the person, I get attached to the idea of spending a long time with them—potentially forever. If I know a partnership is going to be short, I don’t bother. This means that if I choose to enter a relationship, I’m risking losing my future plans as well. To me, that’s a pretty scary thought.
  2. I don’t want to lose a friendship. People always tell me that the worst part about the end of romantic relationships is the loss of the friendship. I cherish the close friendships I have and I would be devastated if I lost them. I don’t want to form a close friendship with someone just to have it taken away from me.
  3. I don’t want to deal with the repercussions of heartbreak. I’m a busy girl and breakups tend to affect people more than just internally. It would definitely be hard to thrive professionally and socially if I was in pain from a failed romantic relationship. That’s one of the major reasons I stay away from dating altogether.
  4. I’m an artist, so my love life directly affects my career. If my love life is good, it can be a great inspiration for my writing. If it’s bad, it can be a distraction from the creativity I need to focus on. If I avoid heartbreak by staying single, I won’t run the risk of being unproductive with my art.
  5. I don’t want to forget what it’s like to be alone. My friends say that one of the hardest parts about a breakup is remembering how to be alone again. I don’t want to be so far from solitude that I forget how to be alone. Losing the ability to function well by myself is terrifying.
  6. I’m afraid of someone getting bored of me. I like to think that I’m a pretty confident person. However, I know that someone breaking my heart could definitely put a damper on my self-worth. As much as I like to think that I would brush it off, I know that if somebody got sick of being with me, it would hurt pretty bad.
  7. I don’t want to end up more guarded than I already am. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but I’m already so hyper-cautious and guarded romantically. If I’m abandoned, I know that I’ll become even more hesitant. It’s a catch-22, but I can’t seem to shake that vicious cycle of anxiety over a potential end.
  8. I don’t want to think about what I should have done differently. I like to stay in the present and a breakup would definitely make me focus on the past. I want to spend my energy on things that matter now. I don’t want to be fixated on something that already happened.
  9. I don’t want to wonder if it’s really better to have loved and lost. I’ve always been hesitant about entering relationships because of an intense fear that I’ll get hurt. They say it’s better to have loved and lost, but my friends that have been dumped seem to differ. After all, they also say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
  10. All of these fears are “what ifs,” but they are still valid. Even though I don’t have a history of being dumped or abandoned, my concerns about losing relationships are still valid. They’re definitely something I need to work through in order to have a healthy and fulfilling love life. However, I also know that I’m not being irrational for feeling them.
If Giselle wasn’t a writer, she would probably be a sea nymph from Greek Mythology, a permanent resident in an Art Nouveau painting, or a professional exotic fruit taster. You can find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thecellophaneflower/.