Never Love A Man More Than You Love Yourself

Men will come and go, but no matter what, you’ll always have yourself. While hopefully you’ll eventually find your forever person, the relationship you have with yourself should always be number one. You should never love a guy more than you love yourself — here’s why:

  1. You have to be your number one priority. If you’re not, he’ll stop making you a priority too. You need to care about yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t care about him; it just means that you can’t put his needs before your own. If you stop taking care of yourself, your partner is going to see that and eventually, he’ll stop caring about you too.
  2. You’ll never be treated right if you don’t have self-respect. If you love him more than you love yourself, he’ll know. He’ll see your low self-esteem and your lack of self-respect and he’ll take advantage of that. He’s going to treat you like crap because who’s going to stop him? If you’re willing to put up with his BS, that gives him every advantage to treat you like hell.
  3. You need to have your own life. Your life can’t just be all about him. There’s more to this world than finding a partner. You shouldn’t just be the woman standing behind a man. This is your life and it will take more than some guy to make you happy. You need friends, family, hobbies and passions. Don’t settle for a half-life — you deserve your life to be whole.
  4. You’re worthy of real love. The only way you’ll settle for anything else is if you allow yourself to do so. If you love a man more than you love yourself, it becomes all about him. You’re not interested in the love you deserve; you’re only interested in his love. Piece by piece, day by day you stop demanding true love and settling for whatever he can give. Is that how you want to live? I don’t think so.
  5. Your happiness matters. Of course you want your partner to be happy, but what you need to realize is that your happiness matters just as much as his does. When you stop caring about your wants and needs and focus on his instead, you stop making yourself a priority. You might still have him, but what’s the point if you’re miserable?
  6. You need to look out for yourself. No one else is going to look out for you in love. You might love him with all your heart, but if there isn’t room left for you to love yourself, then who DOES love you? You can’t count on him to love you enough for the both of you. You might trust him, but at the end of the day, the one person you should always be able to depend on is yourself.
  7. You can’t lose yourself in love. You get into a relationship and a man falls for you and you fall right back. He means everything to you, more than you mean to yourself. What happens then? Well, you become terrified of losing the only love you have and so desperately need. Your one goal is to be the girl he wants you to be. You’re a shell of your former self and the worst part is you hate this version too.
  8. No one will love you if you don’t love yourself. Why should they? You should be the person who sees how great you are. You have to put on your best face and show that face to the world but when you don’t love yourself, all you show is desperation and self-loathing. Men are attracted to confidence — they shouldn’t have to be your source of self-esteem.
  9. You won’t stand up for yourself if you don’t value yourself. You’re going to let men walk all over you because why on earth would you stand up for a girl you love less than the man standing next to you? You don’t love yourself enough to demand better. You’ll put up with the BS because, at the end of the day, you don’t have the strength to walk away — that strength comes from loving yourself.
  10. You are the only thing that can stand in the way of your dreams. If you love a man more than yourself, you start to put his wants and his needs before your own. You stop caring about what you wanted out of life and start focusing on his goals. Your dreams begin to fade and eventually never come true, all because you chose to love him more than you loved you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.