Why You Should Never Stop Being A Giver, Even If You Feel Used

­­Have you ever gotten tired of being the only one to remember birthdays or always being the first person to call or reach out? It gets old fast to feel like you care too much or your thoughtfulness isn’t being appreciated as it should. But you can’t let it get to you so much that you become a cold, heartless person over it. Here are 8 things to remember when you’re the gifter that keeps on giving but not receiving.

  1. Negativity affects your health. Walking around bitter over who didn’t return your sentiment doesn’t serve you. As annoying or disappointing their actions (or lack thereof) may be, just focus on what you do and who you are. You’ll just drag down your own vibe by harping on your expectations of other people. Ruminating, stressing, and staying stuck in discontent can literally cost you your well-being if these emotions begin to manifest physically. Focusing on negativity can also attract more of it in your life which won’t help, either.
  2. You’re better off remaining unbothered by others. If you like to give, then give. Stay true to yourself. You only hurt you by pretending you enjoy being closed off and thoughtless toward others. Don’t let others’ lack of reciprocity change who you are, cause ultimately not being yourself will affect your happiness. And people shouldn’t have that much control over you that their emotions change yours. Let them be ungrateful solo.
  3. If you only gave to receive, it wasn’t genuine. I get that it’s easy to start tallying up what you’ve put out for someone when the one-sidedness piles up but remember why you gave in the first place. Doing something for someone only to get something back from them isn’t really giving and can be borderline manipulative. If you truly gave from your heart, then what happens afterward shouldn’t matter. Practice the art of detachment and let things flow in and out as they come.
  4. You will build your good karma. I mean, while you shouldn’t expect a return for what you do, just know that putting forth good in the universe returns it back to you. So even if you’re not properly acknowledged by who you gave to, you’ll still be investing in a return somehow. It may not be the immediate return you’d like or expected, but if you trust the process you may be pleasantly surprised with more or better than you could have imagined. It may not always seem that way, but good people do win in the end.
  5. People aren’t worth you changing for the worse because of them. If someone doesn’t appreciate what you do for them then they’re just a moocher of your kindness. Changing yourself to fit in with people like that isn’t the answer. Once you find the right people who match your energy you won’t have these same problems. Your tribe will both appreciate what you do and give back to you as well. You’re only over-giving if you’re giving to the wrong recipients. People with healthy boundaries wouldn’t feel right about draining you of all your resources. It’s only the toxic ones who sleep comfortably knowing they’ve bulldozed anyone and everyone to get what they want.
  6. If everyone became sour and jaded the world would be an even uglier place. Let’s say you give your whole life and never get anything to show for it. Did you really waste your time if you did what you felt was good and helpful at the time? But imagine if everyone decided they would live for themselves and give up on doing for others? Even if there are a lot of people who don’t seem worth the trouble, there is always good left in the world and that good can always include you, too. Just keep paying it forward until it catches and continues.
  7. You need to keep these qualities intact for when the right ones come along. You can always shut down a part of yourself but when the day comes that you have healthier and reciprocal relationships in your life, is it going to be worth it to have to dust off the best parts of yourself to bring back to light? Keep giving in whatever situation you’re in until you’re in the situation that is the best fit for you and everything clicks and flows.
  8. If it’s what’s in you, don’t deny yourself what makes you happy to do. You’re a rare gem in today’s world if you still enjoy sending hand-written letters by mail. If you like to give out holiday cards. If you actually take the time to pay attention to and remember small details about someone like their favorite color or candy. We need more people like you. People who bring cheer and cherish sentimental touches. Even if it seems like not a single soul cares, know that there is nothing wrong with you and keep being the kind, caring, generous individual you are.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer