It’s critical not to text an ex after a breakup. But although we all know it’s the wisest way forward, very few of us can actually manage to keep our fingers off the phone. If you’re wavering, here are some reminders to help you win the fight:
- The relationship was a bad relationship. Right now, as your head keeps conjuring up images of the good times, the bad stuff doesn’t seem so bad. But the second you sleep with him, it’ll all come rushing back. That’s just the way it works. So don’t give in to the post-breakup messing with your mind. Exercise discipline and save yourself from the inevitable “Ugh. I can’t believe I’m back where I was with this loser.” Move away from the phone.
- He doesn’t deserve that moment of smug satisfaction. When he looks at his phone and sees your little note, he immediately thinks, “She wants me.” Do you really want to give him that? Remember: This is the person who [insert the worst thing he did to you here]. Don’t give that guy a feeling of victory.
- That day when you realize you’re totally over him is AMAZING — let it happen. After a breakup, your ex seems like the only guy you could ever be with. In the not-so-distant future, you won’t even be able to explain wtf you were doing with him. It’s soooo liberating to get to that point of total recovery. So, put down the phone and let it come… The sooner you do, the faster you’ll achieve the life — and love — you really want.
- Seeking closure is just a form of torture. When someone says they need closure, what they’re really saying is that they’re not sure it’s over — they need to talk to their ex to confirm that it’s REALLY over before they can move on. In other words, they need to be broken up with twice. Really?? Why would you do that to yourself? You know it’s over. Just suffer through it until you get to the moment we mentioned in #3. You’re almost there.
- Texting him immediately diminishes your hotness. As long as you’re not in contact, he has no idea what you’re up to or what you’re thinking. For all he knows, you’re totally over it and haven’t given him a second thought, which makes you more desirable. By reaching out, you immediately kill that illusion. In an instant, you go from the girl who’s looking better and better with every passing day to the girl he wasn’t all that into.
- Reaching out to him says he’s the best you can do. We’re guessing he cheated on you, took you for granted, or just didn’t make you feel wanted, all of which suck. You deserve better but reaching out to your ex suggests you don’t. There are so many fantastic men out there — you should be spending your time exploring them. The sooner you do that, the sooner you’ll be blowing off texts from your ex because you’ll be crushing on someone new.
- You’ll feel like crap if he ignores you. Right, so let’s say you give in to the temptation and send your ex a text. What happens if he decides to leave you on read and never respond? You’ll be sitting there staring at your phone, willing a text to come through and feeling like an absolute idiot when it never does. That will lead you down the dark path of hating yourself for not being strong enough not to message him and it really does not need to go that far.
- You’ve already said enough to him anyway. Chances are you said pretty much everything you could ever have to say to this guy during your relationship and when you broke up? What words do you have left that need to be said to him? You’re basically going to be texting him for the sake of it, which is pointless and reductive. Put your phone down.
- There are plenty of other things to do with your loneliness. You should never text your ex just because you’re feeling lonely or nostalgic. Not only will he likely fail to respond in the way you want him to, but you’ll also be taking yourself about 10,000 giant steps backward by taking a walk down memory lane with a guy who screwed you over. If you’re feeling alone and in need of a little affection, I’m sure you have plenty of family members and friends you can reach out to who will scratch that itch, so to speak, while also offering a more healthy outlet for your feelings.
- You’re better than this. At the end of the day, this is what it comes down to. You’re so much better than lowering yourself to texting your ex. You’re a strong, intelligent, independent woman who doesn’t need to lean on a guy who didn’t appreciate your worth just because you’re feeling a little sad about being single. Scratch that and do something better with your time (which is pretty much anything besides texting him).
What to do instead of sending a text to your ex
In case you need some ideas for how to fill the time you would spend agonizing over composing a text to your former boyfriend, here are some suggestions to try.
- Call your best friend, your mom, or anyone at all. One of the best things you can do when you’re desperate to text your ex is to talk to someone who can metaphorically smack a bit of sense into you. Tell your mom or your bestie that you’re thinking about reaching out to your former partner and they’ll list all the reasons you should definitely not do so. They might even threaten to kick your butt the next time they see you if you so much as start to type a sentence to that loser.
- Take a meditation break. Don’t knock meditation until you try it. While it’s definitely hard to clear your mind and focus on, well, nothing at all for any length of time, with a bit of practice, you can master it. When you do, you’ll discover so many benefits like enhanced concentration, decreased anxiety, and a deeper sense of inner peace. You’ll end up realizing you don’t even want to text your ex!
- Actually use that gym membership you’re paying for. You see that $50 taken out of your bank account every month but it still doesn’t inspire you to get into the gym and on the treadmill/elliptical/insert your equipment of choice here. Partaking in physical activity not only helps our physical health but our mental and emotional health too. Go and sweat it out. Push yourself to your limits. See how you feel about texting him after your muscles are so sore you can hardly move.
- Get outside. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to get some fresh air. If you spend most of your day in front of a computer screen, only to switch over to a phone screen all evening. The only time you spend outside is to get into your car and go back in the house. Put on some comfy clothes and sneakers and get out of the house for some Vitamin D. There’s nothing like fresh air to help you gain perspective.
- Take some time away from your phone. Again, we all spend way too much time on our phones. Why not put yours down for a few hours or even a whole day? I guarantee you that you won’t be missing much and you won’t die without knowing what’s happening on Instagram for 24 hours. Plus, you can’t text your ex if you have nothing to text him on, right?
- Read a book. When is the last time you read a book for pleasure? If you can’t remember, that means it’s time to get started again. Pick a book that sounds really interesting to you and set some time and space aside to get lost in the story. You might find it hard to concentrate at first, but once you get absorbed in the written word, you won’t want to come back to reality!
- Write your ex a letter you’ll never send. If you really do feel like there are things you want or need to say to your ex, instead of setting yourself back a million steps, you can still get all those words out of you but just never give them to him. Instead of sending him a text, write him a long letter that says every last thing you want to say to him but know better than to mention. You’ll feel like you got it out of your system without the terrible side effect of actually getting in touch with him again.
- Plan a girls’ night. Is there any better way to forget about a guy than to go out for a wild night with your best girls? Get everyone together and brainstorm some fun things to do, whether that’s bar-hopping, going dancing, bowling, whatever sounds like a great bonding experience and an awesome way to spend a Saturday night. When you have healthy distractions in your life, you’ll be way less likely to revert to the past.