I Have Nice Girl Syndrome & I’m Pretty Sure It’s The Reason Why I’m Always Single

I consider myself to be a kind, considerate, sympathetic person who’s easy to get along with and treats everyone I meet with dignity and respect. Sounds great in theory, but it’s screwed me over more times than I can count in dating.

  1. No one respects a people pleaser. I feel like guys can sense that I’m trying to please them and then instantly lose respect for me including any thoughts of maybe dating me. It’s an automatic response that I’ve built up over the years and I can’t seem to stop it. It’s like, I have no idea how to put myself before others. Whenever I’m around someone, especially if it’s a guy I like, I change myself so I fit in with whatever they think or feel. I’m like a social chameleon, but that’s not what people want—what they want is someone real.
  2. I attract nice guys who never take any action. As an official nice girl, I tend to attract shy guys who take a million years just to ask me out. Since they’re nice guys, it’s like they’re afraid of making me uncomfortable or worrying that they’re asking me out at an inappropriate time. I feel like I have to drop a million hints before they feel like it’s cool to make a move.
  3. Every guy thinks I like them in “that way” when I’m actually just being nice. Since I’m so nice to basically everyone I meet, some guys think that I have a crush on them when I’m really just trying to be friendly. They’ll either act weird because they think I like them romantically or they’ll feel sorry for me because they don’t like me “that way”—my God, don’t flatter yourselves.
  4. I get friend-zoned on the regular. I highly doubt that most guys can picture me in any sort of romantic scenario. Most of them just see me as a friend, and maybe it’s because I’m being too nice and way too friendly! I find it hard to branch out into actual flirting, which means I get more friends than dates.
  5. Guys dump me when they realize I have no backbone. I’m very easily swayed and I respect other people’s opinions more than my own, which often makes me seem wishy-washy. I’m really just trying to be nice and make sure people know that I can see where they’re coming from. Unfortunately, that gets boring after a while and I know that if I ever want to connect with someone in an authentic way, I’m gonna have to drop the gullible act.
  6. I say yes to guys when I’m better off saying no. If a guy asks me out, I accept by default and then maybe try and do damage control later if I really feel like it’s a mistake. I can’t say no to their faces, and that’s why I’m such a bad communicator in relationships. If a conflict comes up, I just can’t handle it.
  7. I appear way too innocent. I know how “nice” and “innocent” I appear and I really wish it wasn’t so. I have these huge doe eyes that make me seem like an innocent baby deer. I’m cute in a child-like way and frankly, it’s kind of annoying. No one wants to “corrupt” me because they see me as too pure. Someone actually told me once that I seem like I believe in Jesus. I was speechless.
  8. My partners assume I’ll just always be there for them. The guys I do end up dating are usually those “lost boy” types. This kind of guys tends to gravitate towards me because they know I’ll give them some tender love and understanding. They also know that I’ll always be there for them. I’m not sure if I should be flattered by that or overwhelmed with the pressure of it all. Probably the latter.
  9. I was once dumped because I was “too good.” And no, not because I was too good for him. It was because I was just too nice and squeaky clean, in his opinion. Since when does being too kind or being a good person warrant getting your heart broken? It’s really not easy being this way.
  10. I’m either a wife or nothing at all. Guys see me as wife-material right out of the gate and while that might cool if I was a little older, at the moment I’m just looking to have fun. I’m only in my 20s so this is the time for me to play the field and make some mistakes as I figure out what I want in life. I don’t feel like I’m catching as many guys as I could if I wasn’t such a nice girl.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.