It’s Not That He Doesn’t Want To Commit — He Just Doesn’t Want To Commit To YOU

It might seem like most guys are afraid of commitment, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. There are plenty of guys out there looking for an amazing woman like you to settle down with. If the one you’re seeing seems hesitant about locking things down and making it official, it’s likely that you’re just not the one for him.

  1. He’s holding back because something feels off. Committing to the wrong person can just feel wrong even if you don’t yet realize you’re wrong for each other. If he’s holding back from defining the relationship or commitment in general, then it’s obvious that in his eyes, you two just don’t feel right together.
  2. You can’t blame it on the timing. When you meet the right person, nothing can hold you back — not even bad timing. He can make all the excuses he wants for the fact that he’s not committing, but the truth is if you were really the right girl for him, nothing would keep him away.
  3. If he cared, he wouldn’t want to keep hurting you. His refusal to commit doesn’t leave you unscathed. It’s definitely doing its damage on your heart, so why doesn’t he care about that? You want something real, but all he cares about is what he wants: to keep things casual.
  4. Everyone is afraid of getting hurt. That doesn’t mean you stop trying to find love, though. He’s not committing not because he’s purely afraid of commitment, but because he doesn’t think he’s actually found love. He needs to look deep down and consider how he feels about you, because if his feelings were real, he’d commit despite any reservations or fear he has about intense, long-term relationships.
  5. If you’re not the right girl, you’re the wrong one. Wrong for him, but the bright side is that you’re right for someone else. The truth is every girl who’s not right for him is another one who’s wrong. If you’re the wrong girl, then he needs to tell you so that you don’t waste a second more of your time.
  6. Real love isn’t that selfish. Is he even thinking about what his lack of commitment is doing to you? If the relationship is going nowhere then he’s just leading you on. You don’t deserve that. You deserve a man who cares about how you and your feelings and would never want to hurt you.
  7. Taking things slow doesn’t mean standing still. Taking things slow means taking his time, but that you’ll eventually reach that next step. Is he even planning on there being a next step, though? Just how long does he expect you to wait? If he hasn’t made up his mind yet, who says he ever will? If you were the right girl, he’d treat you a hell of a lot better than making you wait indefinitely.
  8. If he thought you were worth it, he’d fight for you. He’d do whatever it takes just to be with you. He would feel lucky to have you in his life and to be a part of your life. If you were the girl he wanted, he’d be fighting for you, not risking the chance of having to let you go.
  9. If it’s right, taking the next step should feel natural. If he’s shying away from commitment, that’s more than a little hesitation. Taking things to the next level should feel natural and right. It should feel as if you’re headed down the exact path life intended for you. So if he can’t commit, then he’s at a fork in the road and it’s only a matter of time before you head in different directions.
  10. You should never have to beg, force, or manipulate someone to be with you. At the end of the day, he should actually want to be with an amazing girl like you. You shouldn’t be pining for a guy’s attention. If he can’t see how great you are, then it’s his loss. Commitment doesn’t have to be a struggle, and when you meet the right guy, it won’t be.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.