I’m Not Looking For “Perfect”—I’m Just Looking For Someone Who Puts In A Little Effort

Admittedly, I’m not a romantic. I don’t believe in fairy tales and I’m not pining away for some hot rich dude to sweep me off my feet—I’m just looking for a regular guy who actually cares enough to put a little effort into a relationship. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for, and yet it’s almost impossible to find. I deserve a guy who will do these 10 things—all women do:

  1. Be There For Me. He doesn’t need to rearrange his schedule to match mine. We don’t need to hang out every day or text 24/7—we have lives to lead. Being busy is a good thing and I want a relationship that isn’t suffocating. Having said that, I want to know that he’d drop everything if I really needed him. If I can’t rely on him in times of need, what’s the point?
  2. Show Me Some Respect. He doesn’t have to open my car door before his own or pull out my chair at a restaurant—I can do that myself. I don’t need a guy who can ACT chivalrous, I need him to BE chivalrous, respectful, and aware. I don’t want to be put on a pedestal, I want to be treated as an equal.
  3. Spend Real Time With Me. I don’t want him to quit his job so that he can spend every waking moment by my side, but I do want him to make real time to spend with me, no matter how busy he gets. That doesn’t mean he should stop seeing his own friends and family, either—he should be able to make time for everyone that’s important to him.
  4. Plan Romantic Dates. He doesn’t have to fly me to Cannes every other weekend (although that would be dope) but he does have to put a little thought and effort into planning some of our dates. I don’t want to go the same restaurant every other weekend simply because he’s too lazy to try something new.
  5. Advertise Our Love. Relationships don’t need to exist on social media. He doesn’t have to post about me or include my name underneath his profile—heck, we don’t even need to follow each other on social media. Still, he does need to introduce me to his parents and his friends—the people he’s closest with should know who I am.
  6. Communicate With Me. He doesn’t have to text me constantly and tell me his every move—in fact, I’d prefer he didn’t—but I do want him to be able to text me when he’s running late or call me when he has something important to say. He should be able to use his phone for more than sharing articles on Twitter.
  7. Support Me. I don’t need him to be a part of every decision I make or to approve of those decisions, but I do need to support them and be there for me both when things work out and when they blow up in my face.
  8. Compliment Me. He doesn’t need to constantly tell me how good I look or how lucky he feels to have me. I don’t want to hear that all the time. Compliments are like chocolate—I love them but too many can make me sick to my stomach. I only want him to compliment me when he really really feels the urge to and not just because he thinks it’s what I want to hear.
  9. Expresses His Feelings. I’m not expecting him to be able to write a powerhouse love ballad about how much he loves and cherishes me. He could try, but he’s no Ed Sheeran and I don’t expect him to be. As long as he’s able to verbalize his feelings for me one way or the other, I’m fine.
  10. Cuddle. He doesn’t have to make every time feel like the first time, but there’s something he does have to do every single time—stay. I don’t want him to put it in, pull it out, and then jump out of the bed to get dressed and leave. He needs to stay, cuddle, and make sure I don’t feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
  11. Make Future Plans. I don’t need him to be ready to settle down because I’m not ready to get married. He doesn’t have to talk about proposing and he definitely doesn’t need to buy me a promise ring in an attempt to convince me that he sees a future. Grand gestures aren’t really my thing. All I want him to do is make small comments here and there that show he’s actually considering the idea of forever.
  12. Let Me Live My Life. At the end of the day, we should both lives separate lives—separate but together. I don’t want him to make me the center of his world and I don’t want him to put his goals aside to be in a relationship with me. I want him to be able to live his own life and pursue his own dreams while letting me do the same exact thing.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.