I’m Not Wife Material & I Don’t Give A Damn

I’m not what a lot of guys would consider “wife material.” I’m not about that housewife life; I’m not interested in cooking his meals, doing his laundry, and existing as eye candy. I’m worth so much more than that.

  1. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I’m a highly driven woman and I don’t feel like I should change who I am to fit someone else’s ideal. I don’t want to create a false, unrealistic image of who I am just because I want to get married. I won’t crush my opinions and restrain my thoughts just to massage someone’s ego. That kind of behavior just won’t work in the long run.
  2. I’m independent and headstrong. My partner doesn’t need to provide for me. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and smash cockroaches without screaming for a man to save me. I’m capable of filling my calendar even if it means staying in on a Friday night with Netflix and pizza. Lastly, I don’t want to answer to anyone when I make expensive, impulsive purchases. In other words, I might be better off single.
  3. I’m not a cliche. I can’t make Instagram-worthy pancakes from scratch or cook a perfectly cooked steak. I won’t serve him breakfast in bed because chances are, if it’s the weekend, I’m sleeping until noon. When he wakes up next to me, he’ll see my mouth open, drooling and with hair that looks like I’ve been dragged backward through a bush. Sorry not sorry.
  4. I believe that marriage is teamwork. Marriage is supposed to be 50/50. Household responsibilities must be shared. Cooking and making a mess in the kitchen together doesn’t sound so bad, but when I do get married, I will be more than his wife. I will be my husband’s best friend, his support system, his partner in crime. I won’t take on the role of being his mother or his babysitter.
  5. I don’t have unrealistic expectations. Just as I’m not wife material, I don’t expect my partner to be “hubby material.” My husband doesn’t have to be the only one who brings home the bacon. I don’t want him to be the only one to support the family. I accept that there will be things that he’s better at than me and that if we’re meant to be together, we’ll complement each other. There will always be two different roles in a relationship, but these roles are flexible and they’re ever-changing. There’s no need to follow stereotypes just because it’s what society considers as the norm.
  6. I don’t want to settle for less. I’d rather stay unmarried than be with someone who makes me feel inferior. I don’t want a man who regards my passions and dreams as less important than his. I refuse to be with someone who expects me to quit my job because he thinks he can provide for the whole family. I won’t marry someone who tells me to stop having a life of my own after tying the knot with him. It’s just not going to happen.
  7. I don’t even want to be wife material. Doing so is damaging to women who already have to struggle with a society that dictates who they should be and what they should become. I don’t want to get wrapped up in this ideology. I’d rather focus my energy on something more substantial because I’m capable of deciding what I want out of life. I don’t have to fit into a mold just to find a suitable match. I won’t destroy myself just because I want someone to marry me. For me to be in a happy, blissful marriage, my partner will have to accept all of me.
  8. I won’t need to be anything but myself with the right guy. When I do finally get married, I’ll be with my partner through thick and thin. I’ll hold his hand through his darkest hour and celebrate with him during the brightest of his days. I’ll be there to protect, defend, and love him and I’ll allow him to do the same for me. He’ll love me just as I am, and that’s what I’m holding out for.
  9. Where does this leave me? I can think of a thousand reasons I’m not wife material, but where does that leave me? Will I never be good enough for someone? Am I going to be single forever? Divorced after a few years of marriage? Until I meet someone who chooses to love me as I am instead of trying to dominate me or change me into someone I’m not, I won’t get married. Oh well!
Reichell Labadan is a writer by day, reader by night. Rei is also an advocate for women's health and empowerment. Follow her on twitter @reiwrites