Of Course I Overanalyze Guys’ Behavior—Because All The Ones I’ve Dated Have Been Confusing AF

I’ll admit that there have been times where I’ve maybe read too far into a situation or jumped to conclusions. Whatever, I’m a writer—I have an overactive imagination. But let’s take a moment to acknowledge it’s not always us ladies simply overthinking things. In my experience, some dudes act like total psychopaths.

Most of them aren’t as simple as they claim to be. We’re led to believe that guys are easy to figure out and that we should take them at face value, but whether it’s the gradual blending of masculinity and femininity or they’ve always been like it, most guys have a lot more going on under the surface. In my experience, judging a guy solely on his behavior is like trying to build IKEA furniture without reading the instructions—you’ll end up with missing pieces and may have a nervous breakdown.

A lot of them love game playing. A guy friend told me once he frequently “tests” his casual flings with days of no texting to see how clingy she really is. Aside from instilling me with a hefty dose of paranoia in my own dating life, it reminded me just how prevalent manipulation tactics are for young singles. And while you may think your casual check-in just says you’re up for a chat, it could really be saying you’re thirsty AF. Trust nothing and no one.

Some guys love drama. I’m so sick of the notion that all girls are drama queens with guys as our chilled-out counterparts. I know dudes who froth at the sign of drama harder than a 14-year-old girl from the Valley. In fact, all the biggest pot stirrers in my life are male, and very few of them shy away from a good gossip sesh. And drama queens and kings alike cannot be trusted to be totally genuine.

A lot of them aren’t always honest with their feelings. You don’t have to have a monthly cycle and an appreciation for comfortable bra underwire to fear rejection. Just like us, some guys will hide their real feelings and intentions if their pride is on the line or if they don’t want to ruin a good thing. So sometimes a little further investigation is needed… in the form of conversation screenshots shared in your group chat for evaluation, obviously.

Dating trends these days are legitimately messed up. ‘Breadcrumbing’? ‘Zombieing’? ‘Love Bombing’? Good lord, why don’t I just freeze my eggs, buy some cats and call it a day? The combination of online dating, easy travel and sexting has given millennials endless opportunities to ‘meet’ people and can turn even the nicest dude into a player. So much BS is widely accepted in the dating world these days and it can be genuinely hard to tell if you’re being duped.

Most of them are erratic AF. One minute he’s taking you on dates and asking how your day is going and the next he’s way too busy to reply to your texts, even though his Instagram story says he’s home playing ‘Call of Duty’ and eating a toasted sandwich. And just when you think he’s a lost cause he’ll pop up again like he hasn’t just spent the last two weeks ghosting you. Sound familiar?

Too many of them don’t know what they want. And I can forgive them for this—I mean, do any of us know what we’re doing? I change my mind quicker than I can get through a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and that’s pretty fast. But it doesn’t make our job of decoding their inconsistent behavior any easier. If they don’t even really know what they want from us, how the hell are we supposed to figure it out?

Most of them analyze our behavior too. Whoever started the rumor that it’s only women who overanalyze their relationships needs a swift kick to the junk (let’s be honest, we know it was a dude). Through my guy friends, I’ve witnessed more than one conversation that resembled a chit chat over cocktails reminiscent of every episode of Sex and the City. These conversations come complete with texts read out loud and debates over what and when to reply. Rest assured ladies, it’s not just us.

Sometimes we just want to make it interesting for ourselves. Then there are times when overanalyzing behavior just makes it more fun. After all, not all relationships come complete with sparks and confusing messages to decode with your friends—and a girl needs excitement. Do we make ourselves crazy sometimes? Probably. OK fine, definitely. But better to be crazy than bored.

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