Here’s A Radical Idea: Instead Of Looking For Love, Focus On Loving Yourself More

Humans crave companionship so it’s natural to want a relationship. However, if you’re tired of letting looking for love take over your life, here’s a better idea: focus on loving yourself more instead.

  1. Remember that you deserve good things. Whether it’s an amazing relationship, a good group of friends, or a kickass support system in the form of your family, you deserve to have good things in life. Don’t forget that. Not only are you worthy of love but you also deserve to be treated well by all of your loved ones. That means you can’t allow other people to walk all over you like a doormat or abuse your trust because they can tell that you don’t love yourself as much as you probably should. Repeat after me: I am loveable.
  2. Leave toxic guys behind—you’re better than that. You’re not a doormat and you should never entertain the kinds of guys who take advantage of your good nature or use you for one thing when they know you’ve got the feels and they haven’t. Same for the guys who see you as more of a journey than the final destination. You’re worth more than that.
  3. Hold out for an extraordinary love. It’s time to start saving your energy for a guy who’s going to treat you like the queen you are. Shallow connections aren’t worth wasting precious time on. If you’re going to do the whole relationship thing, you might as well do it right. Some of us go through bad romantic experiences and heartbreak which leave us feeling incredibly insecure, but it’s important not to let these insecurities take over or affect potential deep connections. After all, who wants to settle for a relationship that’s anything short of incredible?
  4. Spend your time with people who are positive. Loving yourself isn’t always enough. You have to be kind to yourself in other ways too. For example, spending time with Negative Nancies can have a detrimental impact on your mood and your entire state of mind. It’s not healthy to be around people who drain you. Instead, be around people who are all about those #PositiveVibes—the people who make you joyful, who bring smiles and laughter your life, and who brighten up any given day. Those people are the ones who deserve your time.
  5. Only make an effort with people who offer the same in return. What’s the point in giving 100% to people if they’re only going to give 50% back? Whether it’s a family member, an old friend or a new romantic prospect, relationships should always be 50/50. They should be on equal footing like a true partnership—you don’t need people around you who clearly don’t give a damn about you. It only brings you down. Instead, just focus on the ones who actively try to be a part of your life. This is one of the ways that you can truly love yourself.
  6. Look after your overall well-being. You can also love yourself more by taking care of yourself both mentally and physically. Self-care is so important. Whether it’s declining an invitation to hang out with friends so you can run yourself a bubble bath after a long, hard day in the office or refusing to text a guy back because you found out he’s been dating other people when you both agreed to only date each other, you have to have respect and care for your well-being. Remember that if you don’t have your overall health, you don’t have anything.
  7. Understand that you don’t have to please people all the time. Something that you realize more and more as you grow older is that you don’t always have to please other people all the time. In fact, it’s much more important that you please yourself. It doesn’t mean that you’re selfish; it just means that you value yourself and you’re doing what’s best for you. Sure, don’t be a jerk, but everybody has their own stuff going on so it’s OK to just do you sometimes.
  8. Focus on your passions. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, why not use this time to focus on your own goals and get what you want to get out of life? This could be a promotion at work, a new hobby you’re desperate to start up, or even a move overseas. Whatever you want out of life, whatever’s going to make you happy, you deserve it all. Go get ’em, girl.
  9. Shoot for the moon. A key way to love yourself is to do whatever you damn well please in life. Friendly reminder: you can achieve anything that you want to achieve. As long as you have that drive and commitment, you can do whatever you like! You don’t have to answer to anyone. You know what they say: even if you don’t quite reach the moon, at least you’ll land amongst the stars. Corny but true.
Katie Davies is a British freelance writer who has built a career creating lifestyle content that caters to the modern woman. When she's not sipping tea, shopping, or exploring a new city, you'll probably find her blogging about her fashion and travel adventures at