There’s nothing worse than catching serious feelings for someone and finding out that they’re not reciprocated. You end up feeling like there’s something seriously wrong with you or that you lack something major — otherwise, why aren’t they into you? There are a few reasons why the people you want never seem to want you. Some of these are tough pills to swallow, but there’s no use burying your head in the sand.
You want them a little too much.
I’m not a fan of playing hard to get or acting like you couldn’t care less about someone as a method of trying to reel them in. It’s always a good idea to be upfront, honest, and express your enthusiasm for someone if you feel it. The days of apathy are over — people are looking for genuine emotion in others and a lack of fear of putting themselves out there.
That being said, if the people you want don’t want you, it could be that you’re coming on a bit too strong. It’s one thing letting someone know you like them and entirely another to basically picture yourselves walking down the aisle when you barely know each other. People catch wind of that and it weirds them out. You either seem desperate or like a psychopath (or both), and that’s not particularly attractive.
Your vibe is off.
By this, I mean that you’re not compatible. You’re not doing anything wrong. In fact, you’re probably showing off your best, most vibrant self — it’s just not what the other person is looking for. Just because you’re attracted to a particular quality in someone doesn’t mean they’re going to be on the same page. If you’re not gelling, you can’t (and shouldn’t try to) force a connection there.
You’ve probably met plenty of people with whom the chemistry, even on a platonic level, just wasn’t there. It was no offense to them specifically, it was just not happening. That’s life. It’s really hard not to take that personally, but you shouldn’t.
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You’re not making enough of an effort to connect.
You have feelings for this person, but are you actually doing anything to form a connection with them, or are you just relying on “liking them” being enough to bring you together? If the people you want don’t want you, you have to wonder if there’s more you could be doing to sell yourself as a prospective partner. Are you showing interest? Are you asking them about themselves and their life? Inviting them to hang out? Doing anything to push the relationship forward?
Being hot isn’t enough to make someone want you. Being funny, smart, and caring can help, but they won’t get you all the way there. You have to find a way to meet the other person halfway and make an impact in their life. You don’t need to go overboard here, but you do need to put in a bit of work.
You put too much pressure on the situation.
Crushes can feel amazing, but they can also make you act like a crazy person. Whether or not the person you want ends up wanting you back isn’t really make or break for your life. If they like you, that’s great — who knows what amazing love story you might share, even if only a temporary one? If they don’t feel the same, that definitely sucks and it makes sense to feel down about it for a bit. However, that doesn’t mean your life is over, that you’ll be alone forever, that you’re worthless, or any of the other toxic thoughts that enter your brain.
In fact, you could end up completely sabotaging your chances for something fun with someone new by putting way too much pressure on it. When you see a situation as very all or nothing, you act out of character and come off as a bit weird and kind of scary. Calm yourself down and take things step by step.
You fall for the wrong people.
This is a biggie and it’s one that really should have come higher on this list. If you consistently fall for people who always fall short of your hopes and expectations, it’s probably because you’re going for the wrong people. Maybe you have a penchant for people who are already in relationships. Or, perhaps you go for commitment-phobes who are aloof and wishy-washy. If your “type” is people who can and will never give you what you want, it’s no wonder you always end up feeling like crap when it doesn’t work out.
Reassess the types of people you’re going for and you might find you end up with very different results.
