When you find someone you really like, which for me is a rarity, it’s hard not to compromise your expectations to make sure they stick around. Well, I’m done putting what I want aside to accommodate a guy who may or may not be worthy anyway. It’s time to demand more, and if he can’t deliver, see ya!
- Effort should be a two-way street. I’ve always made excuses for why my exes weren’t putting in as much effort as I was and I’ve always given them more credit for their good deeds than I do my own, as if their currency was more valuable than mine. Well, this is crap. Any kind of romantic relationship should have an even level of give and take. If it doesn’t, it’s not worth it.
- I’m sick of being the ego boost. When I like someone, I enjoy doing nice things for them. However, I’m sick of giving away my attention and affection when it’s barely reciprocated. I’ve been involved with one too many people who liked having me around just to feel good about themselves. Now I’m thinking, screw that. I’m not just here to fluff some guy’s feathers. Unless he makes me feel great about myself as well, I’m out.
- I don’t want to be with someone who’s less invested than me. I used to think it was pretty standard for girls to expect more from a situation than guys, so I’d downplay these expectations to ensure that I wasn’t asking for too much or setting myself up for disappointment. Now realize there’s nothing more disappointing than wasting time with someone who isn’t as into the relationship as I am.
- If he spooks easy, he’s not worth it anyway. I used to worry that if I put the depth of a situationship to the test, I might look like I’m coming on too strong—that is, until I realized that if you’re weeks or even months in, expecting a bit more stability is perfectly normal. If not accepting aloof and inconsistent behavior when I know I want something more makes him uneasy, I’ll show him the door myself.
- Actions speak louder than words. When you’re in an undefined situation, it can be easy for a guy to baffle you with bullshit. With a bit of careful phrasing, he can have you thinking you’ve got something meaningful going—enough for you to stick around—without actually committing or being obliged to meet your expectations. Well, I’m over the talk. Words are empty unless they are supported by action, so this is how I’m measuring whether a guy’s worth sticking around for.
- Playing it cool has to end eventually. Sure, there could be a time in the beginning where either party may act aloof as to not come off needy or too keen. Thirstiness is never attractive. But eventually you’ll want to feel comfortable enough to let that guard down and be honest about what you expect if you’re going to remain in the relationship. Acting casual when there are feelings involved is exhausting—I’m ready to be upfront. If that makes him uncomfortable, at least I got my man-child alert early.
- I don’t want to beat a dead horse. Maybe he made a huge effort in the beginning, but what about now? When you’re putting in most the work, it’s impossible to really judge the strength of what you have. I want to be in a relationship where if I dropped the ball, my partner would be strong enough to carry the weight. I want to know sooner rather than later if he’s fully in or out.
- If he can’t step up, he can step away. It’s scary when you put your expectations out there because they’ll either be met or they won’t. But why would you want to spend your time with someone who won’t even try to give you what you need? Imagine the situation reversed and think of what you would do for this person—if they can’t step up to the plate like you would, they’re not worth it.
- Short-term disappointment is better than long-term heartache. When any kind of relationship ends, it can be a real downer. And when you’re in an almost relationship, it can be tempting to just keep rolling on with the wishy-washy situation to avoid testing the waters and potentially losing everything. But it’s far better to challenge his commitment to you earlier on rather than months in when you’re that much more invested. Sometimes you just need to rip off the band-aid so you can properly heal and move forward. That’s what I plan on doing moving forward.
