The Reason I’m Single Has Nothing To Do With Me

I used to hem and haw over why I’m still single and all the things I could change about myself to get more guys to like me. However, after years of trying to fix things about myself that weren’t broken to begin with, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not my fault AT ALL—it’s just that I haven’t found the right guy yet.

  1. My life is in order. When I look at my life, there’s nothing really missing. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted career-wise, I have a solid group of friends, I’m financially independent—basically, nothing is holding me back from getting into a relationship. There would be no possible reason why a guy wouldn’t want to date me because, well, I’m a goddamn catch!
  2. I’m putting the vibe out there. Some people say that in order to attract your soulmate, you gotta put the “vibes” out there—and trust me, I’m vibin’ like crazy. I’m even carrying around a rose quartz stone that will apparently help attract love! If that’s not putting out vibes, then I don’t know what is. I leave the house each day with the hope that I will meet someone special. It hasn’t happened yet, but it’s definitely not because I’m not “putting myself out there.”
  3. I would stay single forever if I thought it was all my fault. When I’m single, I try not to blame myself because that’ll just make me seem more unattractive, lessening my chance of meeting someone special. Instead, I shower myself with self-love and know that I’m perfect just the way I am. To me, loving oneself is way more practical than trying to get it from a relationship. I remind myself that I’m 100 percent amazing, 100 percent of the time. I mean, how could it possibly be my fault that I’m still single when I’ve literally done nothing wrong?
  4. I’m leaving it all up to destiny. I believe that we are destined to meet certain lovers at different times in our life and I’ve fully accepted that I’m supposed to be waiting right now. When it comes, it comes. I’m not about to blame myself for not being in a relationship because I know so much of it is out of my control. My only job is to welcome it when it knocks on my door.
  5. As long as I keep doing me, I’ll be fine. I find that the times that I stay focused completely on myself are the times I meet the coolest guys. It’s almost like they can pick up on my self-confident vibes and are drawn to me because of them. As long as I remember to love myself first, the right guy will come into my life… all in due time.
  6. It’s slim pickings out there. You can’t really blame me for being single when most guys nowadays are kinda lame. I’ll go on a date with a guy and then will either get ghosted or find out he only wants something casual. I’m almost completely convinced that my current situation isn’t my fault, it’s just that the male demographic isn’t showing up like they should.
  7. I’m just not interested in most of the guys who are interested in me. I tend to attract the “lazy deadbeat” type, so more often than not I’m rejecting the guys who ask me out. It’s not my fault I have standards! This doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with me, I just need to wait until the right guy shows up.
  8. Dating these days is a crapshoot. Most of the time, dates fizzle out through no fault of my own. It’s just the nature of modern dating. When you meet someone from a dating app or website, they automatically become less valuable even if they’re an amazing person because, in the back of your mind, you’re thinking of all the other people there are to choose from on the app. I know I’m an awesome person, but sometimes guys can’t see that because they’re distracted by all the other girls they could be dating and can’t settle with just one. Not my fault!
  9. I love myself so others should too. I feel more grounded than ever in self-love, so there’s no reason why guys wouldn’t want to date me. I take the time every day to remind myself that I’m perfect just the way I am and all those other cheesy self-love affirmations you say to yourself in front of the mirror. I feel confident in myself so the only reason I’m still single must be due to bad timing.
  10. I don’t just date anyone. There are some girls out there who will jump on the first guy who gives them even a little bit of attention. I’m not like that at all and because of it, I spend a lot more time single. I’m glad though that I don’t date just any guy who walks by because I know that I’m worth more than that. I’m willing to hold out for a hero because I know that’s what I deserve.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.