Falling in love is a great feeling, especially when it’s with someone who treats you right and who wants to build a future with you as much as you do with them. But love isn’t exactly reliable. When you’re right in the middle of it, it feels like you’ll be in love with this person forever, but that’s not guaranteed. To me, the scary thing isn’t falling in love with someone, but the possibility that one day I might not feel the same way anymore. Here’s why:
- People change. I might find the perfect guy for me and fall in love, but what if 10 years from now neither one of us is the same person we are now? Will we still be compatible? Will we still want to be together? It’s hard to say because none of us have any idea what the future holds. I just know that I don’t want to feel obligated to stay with someone when it’s no longer working.
- Love changes. Love when you’re a teenager is probably better described as infatuation. Love in early adulthood probably has a lot to do with lust. As you get older, love turns into companionship and being with someone who gets you, but that’s also a lot harder to find. I hope what I want out of love doesn’t change and leave me unhappy with someone ho hasn’t necessarily done anything wrong.
- It’s not something I’ll have any control over. I can’t control who I fall in love with so that means I won’t be able to control who I fall out of love with. Our relationship could be great on paper, but because people change, it’s possible we could grow out of our relationship. Even if we have weekly date nights and want things to work, that doesn’t mean they will.
- Going back to being single isn’t easy. Logically, I know that it’s better to be single than be in a relationship I’m not happy in, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to make the decision to be single again. We all hope we’ll find someone to spend the rest of our lives with and we’ll never have to date again, but the reality is, that’s just not guaranteed.
- What if he’s still in love with me? One of my worst fears is having to break up with someone who doesn’t want to break up. I’ve been there before, and it’s never easy to hurt someone even if you know it’s for the best in the long run. A mutual break up is one thing, but dumping someone who is madly in love with you is another thing entirely.
- It won’t make breaking up any easier. Maybe I won’t feel like I’ve lost the great love of my life, but I’ll still be losing the stability of a relationship and the comfort of always having a date for special occasions. With a little time, I’ll get over it, but the actual process of breaking up won’t be easy. I don’t ever want to see the look on a guy’s face when I tell him I’m no longer in love with him.
- I don’t want to feel like I wasted time. I try to remember that a failed relationship isn’t wasted time as long as I was happy while I was in it and I learned a thing or two from my mistakes. But now that I’m in my 30s, I have less time to date guys who don’t at least seem to have long term potential. So at this point, if I date a guy for a couple of years and we break up, I’m going to wonder why I even bothered at all.
- What if love isn’t the most important thing anymore? Some people find that undeniable soulmate-type love and some people don’t. At a certain point it becomes more about companionship and setting priorities. If I want kids, I have to give it a real shot with someone. So I guess I’m afraid of committing for the wrong reasons and realizing I’m not really in love after all. Then what?
- Giving up could seem like the only option. I never really thought I’d end up in a loveless relationship, so if I do end up in that situation one day, I’m afraid I won’t see the point in working on things. But at the same time, I think it’s better to know when it’s okay to let go — I just hope I never want to.
- I secretly think it’s probably inevitable. I don’t know if lifelong monogamy is for everyone. With all the factors at play, staying in love with one person for my entire life seems unlikely. That means falling out of love is probably going to happen at some point, whether I like it or not, and that makes the falling in love part seem a little bit fruitless.
